Chainsaw Moratorium

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Time to trot it out again:

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How about declaring a chainsaw moratorium for Arbor Day ?


Think of it. We'd probably spare umpty jillion trees by this new environmental commitment. And in addition:


119 fingers would stay on somebody's hands. 3,267 pairs of Levi's could still be worn the next day. And 14 metric tons of beer would be drunk at ground level instead of 40 feet in a tree.*


3,403 babies would be born 9 months later. 13,450 wives would lock themselves in the bathroom. And 2,957 loggers would have their ears pierced.


1,500,000,000 Asian Longhorn beetles would have to take a bus to get to their next lunch instead of riding in the chipper box. 9 new letters would come into the ISA Tree Climber's Forum. And 3 of them would actually be readable.


New York would have 2,276,317 fewer rolls of pulped toilet paper. New Jersey would file 11 lawsuits. And Guliani would order 4,114 city cops to push 751 homeless people across NJ's border.


Monica Lewinski would get 43 new offers of marriage. Linda Tripp would get 1 nose job with 10 matching shortened fingers by a California Euc man taking the day off. And 3,290 other Euc guys would spend the day topping telephone poles to sharpen their skills.


3 women living up in trees to protect them would climb down for sex. 1400 arborist's wives would climb up into trees to escape sex. And those 1400 husband-arborists left beneath would add another 52,000 liters to the metric ton beer bill.




It boggles the mind (or whatever it is we use for boggling) about what we could accomplish.

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A peaceful day for trees. Our birthday present to them by staying home. The entire ISA membership could have the opportunity to add 3 words each to the spelling dictionary.


If you like the idea, send a note of support to the "What thr Hell's Wulkowicz Doing Now?" Department at the ISA offices somewhere in Illinois and also ask for one of the new commemorative ISA C clamps designed to be put on chainsaws for Arbor Day.


Thank you for your attention. We will now return to our regular programming.




Bob Wulkowicz Somewhere in NS



* Endorsed by MAFA (Mothers Against Falling Arborists) and the Cornell Chapter MADAA (Mothers Against Downward Accelerating Arborists)

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[BigJohn]

Is this a day off with pay?

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

You're the first one to ask that question.

Bob

 

[BigJohn]

It seems that you put a lot of thought into it and leave out a detail such as it being a paid holiday. Your work isn't done yet. I'm all for a day off and celebrating with fellas and talking shop just as long I'm getting paid.

 

[Kneejerk Bombas]

Brian makes good points, we should cut all the trees down, all they do is suck the oxygen out of the air anyway.

 

[BigJohn]

Huh? Are you kidding. I'm sure spidy will agree that CO2+H2Owill produce C6H12O6 and O2 given off as a gas. C6h12O6 being sugar and O2 is just a diatomic molecule known as oxygen.

How about we just cut down all the bad ones or ones that aren't planted in a good place.

I don't want to climb anymore dead or structual defected trees anymore. Luckily for me we work for high end clients who take good care of their trees. Most of them don't have much dead in them to begin with. That does make it hard though trying to find something that isn't there. Just doesn't feel right if you don't cut anything out but fun to climb.

 

[TheTreeSpyder]

Wulke, soaring freely again..........

Now i believe Mike's Xray !

Never did like chemistry, except socially!

i do remeber that plants give off sugar and air, as animals symbiotic match. As they take on the animal's wastes of liquid and CO2.

One man's poop,
is another life's gold......
or something like that!

:alien:

 

[BigJohn]

Hmm social chemistry? I did find somewhere how to make acid. Never tried it nor have I tried to make it. I once heard from a fellow climber who tripped so bad he spent a week up a tree naked. That's alot of overtime$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by RockyJSquirrel

<i>I'll be celebrating Arbor Day by trying out my new Power Ported Husky 346XP on a couple large oak removals. The saw has the power of a Stihl 036 and lighter weight than a Stihl 026. I'll be blasting through tons of oak tree!</i>

There'll be a lot of RPG stuff left over. Maybe you can be the first arborist to put an oak in the next county.

Be careful, however, about dressing in black and looking swarthy. That old lady on the street corner has her umbrella filled with hand grenades.


<i>Dangerous, decayed trees that need to go before they cause much personal or property damage. I have no remorse for removing trees like this. And would it be better for a professional like myself to remove these trees safely, or leave them until large leads start falling on people, houses and cars? Or better yet, wait till Joe Homeowner decides to get out his extension ladder, Wally World chainsaw and possibly his Home Depot rope and go at it?</i>

Can't go one day without a saw? Tsk. Tsk. Ask me some day about my concept of CODIT Pruning.<i>



Your ideas of leaving trees alone are great for a natural forest setting. But I live in an urban environment where every single tree has been taken out of it's natural settings. We cannot treat urban trees like rural trees without many consequences. </i>

Loosen up. You'd be amazed what we can do without a saw.



Talk to you later...

Bob Wulkowicz

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by BigJohn
It seems that you put a lot of thought into it and leave out a detail such as it being a paid holiday. Your work isn't done yet. I'm all for a day off and celebrating with fellas and talking shop just as long I'm getting paid.

Greenpeace is going to take up a collection to provide a paid holiday for arborists. Watch out for the egg salad and people sneaking up on you in rubber boats when you go to their picnics.



Bob Wulkowicz.

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

<i>Originally posted by RockyJSquirrel </i>

<i>I was just trying to get a rise out of you. </i>

Consider me risen. Wait, strike that! I'm in enough trouble here without any additional complaints about my being arrogant and irreligious

Consider me piqued.

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<i>For all the years of removals I've done, I've also encouraged people to replace and/or plant new trees. I've participated in lots of tree giveaways and city-sponsored tree plantings. I routinely make detours on my travels through the city of Winter Park in order to check on trees I planted 5-7 years ago and see how they are growing.

But I make my living with my chainsaws. Especially in the current economy, people do not wish to spend money on routine maintenance of their trees. Those that do are typically disappointed in my pruning because they cannot tell where I made any cuts. They are not happy unless there are big shiners screaming out at them from fresh cuts. But the majority of my

current climbing work lately is removals. Seems like I can work down trees that many are not willing to climb.

So I will not set aside the tools that enable me to make a living. Everything in moderation. I will continue to recommend proper placement and care of new trees and I will continue to cut down over-mature, decaying old trees. Long Live the Chain Saw! </i>


I'm simply saying the saw isn't the only tool. How about Long Live Arboriculture! The science and understanding of trees.

They were screaming at Shigo because he wanted to end flush cuts. "We'll go out of business", they howled. They didn't.

You won't either. Be the first on the block to have new techniques.

I try to keep trees up. Oops, we're back at the beginning of your post.


Bob Wulkowicz

 

[Striker]

Takes longer to take down a seventy foot oak with a hand saw or a cub scout knife. I like the idea of using proper tools when proper tools should be used. If that means firing up a screaming PP346XP then by all means fire that sucker up. But there are times that that folding belt saw is the only and proper tool to use.(try explaining that to my boss)

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by Striker

Takes longer to take down a seventy foot oak with a hand saw or a cub scout knife. I like the idea of using proper tools when proper tools should be used. If that means firing up a screaming PP346XP then by all means fire that sucker up. But there are times that that folding belt saw is the only and proper tool to use.(try explaining that to my boss)

Yup, it's tough trying to think differently in front of the guy who signs your checks. That's the difference between free thought and paid thought.

There's a bigger world out there besides take-downs. Anyway, when Rocky gets practiced in taking down big trees with RPGs, there'll be a new forum column: Explosive Felling.

In the beginning, we'll likeky see a surprising number of incidents where competitor's trucks arc into the sky with firey drama.

"It was an accident, officer. I was just drawing a bead on that big oak, and he drove right into the shot. Gee, he was a good guy, but he shudda known better. After all, he's--er, was--in the business."

After the primary shake out, arboriculture returned to normal, and the days were filled with soft, distant thuds and smoke clouds where arborists honed their skills on dead elms, massive oaks, and troubled sequoias.

Crane businees declined dramatically, and big vacuum cleaners replaced chippers and boxes.

Then someone shot a round into Perle's summer home, the DHS cracked down, and arborists had to scramble in their garages to find where their wives had hidden the chain saws.

It was not a pretty scens.


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I don't believe there are over-mature trees, but more are trees we've abused into decay and oblivion by short-sighted practices. Our interventions are probably the greatest single contributor to decline and death in trees--all the while we talk about saving them, with saws.

The new arboriculture will include minimal intervention and wounding, along with a recognition of <i>Tree Time</i> where we respect and use the tree-determined time for recovery from wounding, rather than just our instant sense of getting things done.

A sharp turn in thinking, I agree, but it will appeal to the guys that think. For the ones that don't, topping sometimes comes to mind.


Bob Wulkowcz

 

[Crispin Hoar]

the mighty oak is only a nut that stood its ground years ago

 

[Kneejerk Bombas]

Originally posted by Bob Wulkowicz

Our interventions are probably the greatest single contributor to decline and death in trees--all the while we talk about saving them, with saws.

Just for the record, by "our", do you mean people in genral, or are you talking about us arborists/ tree guys?

Just for fun, what would aboriculture in the future be like? What kind of tools will we carry and use? What parts of the tree will we mostly work on? What are some of the modern practices that fit into aboriculture, as you would like to see it?

I wonder if chemicals, hormones, growth regulators, and similar stuff will be more widely used. Are these thing what you see replacing the saw?

Learning about trees is important, but the bigger stumbling block will be changing attitudes, both the customer and the arborists. I recall arguing long and hard with others here about not raising trees, a battle I lost with most who participated in the thread. Imagine those same folks being told not to remove dead limbs.