ShoerFast
Tree Freak
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2005
- Messages
- 25,843
- Reaction score
- 17,234
Warning: Chainsawer's Disease
Symptoms: Patient seeks to sharpen chain and to modify chainsaws to a dangerous level, demonstrates bizarre techniques, and dangerous equipment by running. Enjoys owning, talking and using chainsaws, making loud noises. Talks in a loud voice.
Disposition: Patient is generally of happy disposition, unable to recognize the antisocial and pathological nature of this behavior.
Definitive Diagnosis: Uncontrollable urge to accumulate more and larger chainsaws and caress chainsaws and accessories such as chain grinders, larger bars and full wrapped handles. Claims pleasure in doing so.
Incidence: Rare, but increasing. Primarily affects males, but has begun to also appear in females.
Etiology: Occasional family history. Usually begins after exposure to affected individuals and their preferred brands.
Associated Conditions: Hearing loss, poverty, asymmetric muscle development, permanently dirty body and clothing.
Variants:
Firewood Processor Disease: Patient becomes increasingly unproductive, yet increasingly happy.
Loggers Disease: Patient is frustrated by imagined work pressures and complains of unsatisfied creativity. Blunt trauma, various laceration's and injuries with "L" and semicircular marks and stooped posture are common.
HotSaw Racer's Disease: Patients possess early profound deafness, impressive musculature, and inability to recognize horsepower gain with out a full understanding of torque, often mistakes anything below 70cc's. as anything but a weed-whacker.
Treatment: Remove patient to fresh air. Try to re-introduce to general population. Group therapy (so-called "GTG") with fellow sufferers may promote extreme behavior. Such exposure may only cause patient to develop additional symptoms without loss of original symptoms. No cure is presently known. General deterioration proceeds until death.
Symptoms: Patient seeks to sharpen chain and to modify chainsaws to a dangerous level, demonstrates bizarre techniques, and dangerous equipment by running. Enjoys owning, talking and using chainsaws, making loud noises. Talks in a loud voice.
Disposition: Patient is generally of happy disposition, unable to recognize the antisocial and pathological nature of this behavior.
Definitive Diagnosis: Uncontrollable urge to accumulate more and larger chainsaws and caress chainsaws and accessories such as chain grinders, larger bars and full wrapped handles. Claims pleasure in doing so.
Incidence: Rare, but increasing. Primarily affects males, but has begun to also appear in females.
Etiology: Occasional family history. Usually begins after exposure to affected individuals and their preferred brands.
Associated Conditions: Hearing loss, poverty, asymmetric muscle development, permanently dirty body and clothing.
Variants:
Firewood Processor Disease: Patient becomes increasingly unproductive, yet increasingly happy.
Loggers Disease: Patient is frustrated by imagined work pressures and complains of unsatisfied creativity. Blunt trauma, various laceration's and injuries with "L" and semicircular marks and stooped posture are common.
HotSaw Racer's Disease: Patients possess early profound deafness, impressive musculature, and inability to recognize horsepower gain with out a full understanding of torque, often mistakes anything below 70cc's. as anything but a weed-whacker.
Treatment: Remove patient to fresh air. Try to re-introduce to general population. Group therapy (so-called "GTG") with fellow sufferers may promote extreme behavior. Such exposure may only cause patient to develop additional symptoms without loss of original symptoms. No cure is presently known. General deterioration proceeds until death.
