Extremely American Mud Loggers

[slowp]

Sometime soon, we will have more logging of the slide. By professionals--not me and my co-workers, although we were getting more efficient.

So I'm thinking we need yet another tv show. Extremely American Mud Loggers.

I wanted to do a poll but can't figure it out.

What channel should it be on? And should we get a "Greenhorn" from like, Seattle?

 

[Burvol]

Sometime soon, we will have more logging of the slide. By professionals--not me and my co-workers, although we were getting more efficient.

So I'm thinking we need yet another tv show. Extremely American Mud Loggers.

I wanted to do a poll but can't figure it out.

What channel should it be on? And should we get a "Greenhorn" from like, Seattle?

I'm still off, I'd love to come up and cut.

 

[slowp]

You'd have to audition. How many bleeps per sentence would be important.
Also, is the camera your friend? I'm thinking Extremely American Mudloggers should go the extra mile and have the loggers wear makeup. And color coordinated, camera friendly clothing. The better to get covered with the mud. :biggrinbounce2:

Now, how does one do a poll?

 

[KD57]

I can drive up there in my Volvo, and I even have my own saw, a killer 011. I used to cut down a rose bush in my yard, so I have lots of experience. I have done mostly modeling for department stores, but always wanted to be a real Logger. Would I qualify?

 

[joesawer]

What does it pay?
Does it pay extra if we color coordinate and have very colorful language?
Will they buy me a new tin hat if I pitch a fit and put the corks to it?

 

[HuskyMike]

I can be your greenhorn. I am great at looking confused

I will bring my 460. I am fast on my feet and will supply the Skoal Mint!

I have a great ass that will look good in chaps for the camera!

When do I start?

Edit to add, I can swear like a drunken sailor and am real good at making up names to call people on the spot, your editor MUST have a quick beeping finger!

 

[slowp]

We want original cussing phrases. None of that plain old 4 letter stuff. We don't want a bunch of half bunned rigging fits, we will go for a quality fit, not quantity. Yes, since it is close to Spring, pastel clothing will be required.
Any other ideas?

 

[HuskyMike]

I am good at original, that I can assure that you will get.

I like the season/ clothes ideas, but we you'll really need to rake in the doe to pay the FCC fines for swearing so much, maybe some product or places should be pushed.

Example: after felling a tree the feller can turn and smile at the camera and say " That tree could have came back on me, but it didn't because I stayed at a Holiday inn express last night!"

Or: after pulling a tough load up with the yarder the operator could say
" Golly gee, that was a heavy one! I thought the yarder was gonna tip over!
every time I pull a heavy load it reminds me to shop at Walmart, Walmart, every day low prices"

 

[M.R.]

We want original cussing phrases. None of that plain old 4 letter stuff. We don't want a bunch of half bunned rigging fits, we will go for a quality fit, not quantity. Yes, since it is close to Spring, pastel clothing will be required.
Any other ideas?

Guess that would leave out putting a insolater cap on top of his spark plug and attaching one of your colorfull stickers to Huskymike's 460 while he's in doing make-up that could read something like 'Stihl Born' to get him started.

 

[Gologit]

Guess that would leave out putting a insolater cap on top of his spark plug and attaching one of your colorfull stickers to Huskymike's 460 while he's in doing make-up that could read something like 'Stihl Born' to get him started.

A good dab of electical tape across the top of the plug shorts them out pretty good, too. Then you can get the crew together and watch him get redder and redder in the face when his saw won't start.

Might even get to see a good old fashioned riggin fit complete with hardhat throw and some of that original language that Slowp likes so much.

 

[Humptulips]

I wish to audition for the Dwayne character. I'm well seasoned (please don't call me old), I know all the cuss words and how they fit in with original logging lingo ( not just your obligatory F word in every sentence, although I can do that if it's in the script) and although I never threw many rigging fits I've seen it done and can fake it. I also can tell many stories about the time I was injured, maimed or almost killed. Oh, and I have logged in mud and have worn it as makeup.
What do you think? Do I have a shot at the part?

 

[slowp]

I wish to audition for the Dwayne character. I'm well seasoned (please don't call me old), I know all the cuss words and how they fit in with original logging lingo ( not just your obligatory F word in every sentence, although I can do that if it's in the script) and although I never threw many rigging fits I've seen it done and can fake it. I also can tell many stories about the time I was injured, maimed or almost killed. Oh, and I have logged in mud and have worn it as makeup.
What do you think? Do I have a shot at the part?

I like that term--well seasoned. I look at Dwayne, and I'm the same age, and he looks old! That makes me think I might be old. We'll use lots of make-up. I happen to have a friend who worked at a make up counter in a store, so that qualifies her for that position.

I like the commercial idea. Maybe a Bobby Ricky-or is it Ricky Bobby type yarder with sponser decals on it. Like Advil, Chiropractors, and bone setter doctors.

 

[Gologit]

Auditions

I'm glad you guys are trying out for all the brush ape parts 'cause I know the one I want. None of that tough stuff for me, I got something better picked out.

I'll audition for the Forest Service part. Think about it...they don't have to show up until way after daylight, they drive nice new pickups that don't smell like old socks and snoose, unless they fall down they never get dirty, a pair of gloves probably last them all season, as long as they have the rule book they don't have to know anything, and they can park anywhere they want to.

I know there's probably going to be a lot of competition for the job but I have many years of experience at mumbling, giving different answers to the same question to different people, and avoiding hard work.

There's some things I'd have to learn, like arriving late and going home early, never smiling, insisting on the haul-road right of way over loaded trucks, drinking latte out of a clean cup instead of Folgers out of a soup can, and giving the impression that I knew everything that was going on when I really couldn't tell which end of the Cat to hook the choker to...but I can probably fake my way through that stuff...just like the real ones.

Where do I sign up?




Can I have my huckleberry pie now?

 

[RandyMac]

What kinda mud are we talking about? Regular logging mud or Redwood landing kinda mud? I have worked in places where logs that would have sunk in the pond, were floating in mud, D8s were in deep, to the top of the tracks. Wheel loaders couldn't work, had to use the old NorthWests.

 

[slowp]

I'm glad you guys are trying out for all the brush ape parts 'cause I know the one I want. None of that tough stuff for me, I got something better picked out.

I'll audition for the Forest Service part. Think about it...they don't have to show up until way after daylight, they drive nice new pickups that don't smell like old socks and snoose, unless they fall down they never get dirty, a pair of gloves probably last them all season, as long as they have the rule book they don't have to know anything, and they can park anywhere they want to.

I know there's probably going to be a lot of competition for the job but I have many years of experience at mumbling, giving different answers to the same question to different people, and avoiding hard work.

There's some things I'd have to learn, like arriving late and going home early, never smiling, insisting on the haul-road right of way over loaded trucks, drinking latte out of a clean cup instead of Folgers out of a soup can, and giving the impression that I knew everything that was going on when I really couldn't tell which end of the Cat to hook the choker to...but I can probably fake my way through that stuff...just like the real ones.

Where do I sign up?




Can I have my huckleberry pie now?

Well, you'll have to share the scenes with the "ID Teams" of 'ologists, who will be filmed from the get-go. You'll be filmed trying to get them to commit to a date on the calendar to go up and make a decision that they don't trust you to make, you are obviously not qualified to make that decision because it is after October, and the mud is obviously different than the mud of September. Then you will be filmed on a dog and pony show with the local enviro group. They will show up later than you and will refuse to get off the road but will profess to know everything that is going on.

And, I just don't know. Running log trucks off the road with a pickup takes years of training. Not just everyone can do it! It can't be faked. Can you point out that the largest log on the load has not been branded or painted? Or that it might be a good idea to take that load receipt out of the pocket and staple it (and it is printed on the ticket by the word staple, staple, staple, staple, fold over and staple so anyone who can read that word will know where to staple it) to the driver's side of the front of the road--no this is not Weyco and it doesn't go on the back. And so on.

And can you be filmed starting out the door early then getting a phone call from somebody in the office that is in control of your office to please fill out this form, I'll e-mail or fax it right up to you, but you must get it back to me today because I've dinked around until the last minute getting this report in and now I need to have you save my buns so fill it out right now. And by the way, it is 20 pages long. We'll be taking the computer system down a while but you still need to get it done so hang around, we'll be getting the system up shortly.

You'll have to memorize the word NO. And use it frequently with no expletives. That latter part is hard.

Our mud is a kinder and gentler mud. Not much clay. It will trap you if you are circumferentially challenged and do not have the foot size to off set that.
Then it will be either slip out of your Vikings which are trying to do that anyway, or have some help.

 

[Gologit]

No problem! I can do all that. For awhile. What do you do after lunch?

 

[slowp]

No problem! I can do all that. For awhile. What do you do after lunch?

Well, then we think of ways to get in the way. That would be when the log truck running off the road starts. After lunch there's a good chance any truck we meet will be a bit late already. The ticket lecture is best done in the morning when there's more trucks to delay.

 

[Gologit]

Well, then we think of ways to get in the way. That would be when the log truck running off the road starts. After lunch there's a good chance any truck we meet will be a bit late already. The ticket lecture is best done in the morning when there's more trucks to delay.

Don't forget the "Lost Log Lecture" and the "Lost Log Form Lecture" and the "Accurate Log Count Lecture" and the "Sharp Axe With Head Firmly Attached Lecture" and the "Shovel Suitable For Digging Lecture" and the "Don't Drag Your Trailer Across The New Culvert In The Switchback Lecture" and the "Designated Haul Route Lecture" and...well, there's more but that's enough for now.

Is it true that they're going to start printing the "staple, staple, staple, staple, fold, staple" in Spanish, too?

 

[Humptulips]

What kinda mud are we talking about? Regular logging mud or Redwood landing kinda mud? I have worked in places where logs that would have sunk in the pond, were floating in mud, D8s were in deep, to the top of the tracks. Wheel loaders couldn't work, had to use the old NorthWests.

Top of the tracks deep mud! Typical Californian. Obviously you don't understand what deep mud is.

 

[Cedarkerf]

I want a part as a Greenie. I have lotta expierience hugging trees (before decapatating them). My hairs kinda long and un kempt I could skip showering a day so i could stink can I can I pleeeeeese. Choose me