Final Fire

[svk]

Hope it all goes well for you and your Mom. Never a fun time cleaning the house for a final time. Amazing how much stuff there can be and what to do with it.

It surprisingly was a mostly enjoyable experience for me. A few things I discovered pissed me off like the nasty letter my mom had her attorney send to her neighbor (a young man who had a lot of health problems and ended up passing away last year at age 28) and a few other things that showed how bad her mental health had become.

 

[alleyyooper]

A shame! My mother in law many times does not even know her own daughter. My wife who goes to visit her every Thursday and some times in between. She calls her oldest daughter who lives with her mom and tells my wife when they return from a doctors appointment that the house isn't hers and does my wife know the people who live there many times. she even some times things she is back in Missouri where she grew up.

I left my own child hood memory's behind and sold the place once my mom had passed a miserable hate full woman. I only saved stuff that was left of my dads.

Al

 

[hardpan]

Yes, much closure has been achieved. To put it mildly our relationship has been strained for the past few years. This gave me the opportunity to go through things without her interrupting and causing drama. For the past few years she'd call and tell me to come get stuff then when I'd go there she wouldn't want me to take any of it. I finally gave up on that game last winter when she continued to decline and become more aggressive.

I'm also very thankful for my in laws. They aren't perfect (who is?) but have been wonderful grandparents to my children when my dad couldn't and my mom wouldn't.

Being sentimental or too sentimental has a price and I have no idea where a healthy line is drawn. My parents died 2 years ago, 49 days apart from each other so it was up to me and my brother to do the whole thing. Our wives helped greatly with the household stuff. For me it was just painful, no more, no less, but my brother and I became closer because of it. I am happy to hear you are finding closure. Keep at it.
Mental illness is cruel to everyone involved. Things cannot be unsaid or undone but we must try to understand it as a result of the sickness. We know so very little about how the mind works or reacts even while healthy. A long time ago there was a falling out that divided me, my new wife, and my new baby from my mom. 39 years later my mom died and the repairs were never completely made. I regret that and still wonder what more I could have done. No doubt it is more difficult to make amends when the person who created the foul doesn't even know there was a foul.

 

[audible fart]

The final fire

 

[svk]

The house sale closed yesterday, early and without a hitch.

It's a little bittersweet knowing it's no longer ours but in reality it wasn't a welcome environment for years with my mom in the condition she was in. But it's nice knowing the new owners will give it the TLC it badly deserves.

 

[Erik B]

The house sale closed yesterday, early and without a hitch.

It's a little bittersweet knowing it's no longer ours but in reality it wasn't a welcome environment for years with my mom in the condition she was in. But it's nice knowing the new owners will give it the TLC it badly deserves.

Hang onto the good memories and let go of the not so nice memories and you will be OK. Glad to hear the last part went smoothly.

 

[svk]

Hang onto the good memories and let go of the not so nice memories and you will be OK. Glad to hear the last part went smoothly.

I hear you.

Going through my parents life history stirred up both the good and bad. It was nice being able to do it on my terms and timeline though, brought much closure.

Time will smooth things out and mostly good will remain.

 

[Red Elm]

Saw this the other day SVK, thought it was pretty good advice since my ma and I were like oil and water.

"It is hard to focus on the future, while you have your eyes on the past."

All parents make mistakes, I find we just have to believe they did the best they could at the time and move on.

Godspeed my friend!

 

[svk]

Saw this the other day SVK, thought it was pretty good advice since my ma and I were like oil and water.

"It is hard to focus on the future, while you have your eyes on the past."

All parents make mistakes, I find we just have to believe they did the best they could at the time and move on.

Godspeed my friend!

Thanks man.

I'm blessed that my dad was a wonderful father. It's such a shame he passed far too soon.

 

[hardpan]

Saw this the other day SVK, thought it was pretty good advice since my ma and I were like oil and water.

"It is hard to focus on the future, while you have your eyes on the past."

All parents make mistakes, I find we just have to believe they did the best they could at the time and move on.

Godspeed my friend!

"they did the best they could at the time" Truer words were never spoken. We are all measured so.

 

[hardpan]

The house sale closed yesterday, early and without a hitch.

It's a little bittersweet knowing it's no longer ours but in reality it wasn't a welcome environment for years with my mom in the condition she was in. But it's nice knowing the new owners will give it the TLC it badly deserves.

Me too. The new owners are a young, newly married couple, full of growth ideas. I smile as I drive by, almost weekly. You're going to be OK.

 

[svk]

"they did the best they could at the time" Truer words were never spoken. We are all measured so.

I agree. Although in the case with my mom as her condition got worse she got aggressive towards the people closest to her and took advice from bystanders who were no better than charlatans. And after reading her medical reports from the mid 80's the progression of going after my dad then was the same manner in which she went after me over the past few years. She blamed both of us for absolutely ridiculous things such as my dad would close the bedroom door at night in hopes she would run into it on her way to the bathroom and break her neck, I was plotting to kidnap her and bring her to Mexico, etc.

 

[hardpan]

I agree. Although in the case with my mom as her condition got worse she got aggressive towards the people closest to her and took advice from bystanders who were no better than charlatans. And after reading her medical reports from the mid 80's the progression of going after my dad then was the same manner in which she went after me over the past few years. She blamed both of us for absolutely ridiculous things such as my dad would close the bedroom door at night in hopes she would run into it on her way to the bathroom and break her neck, I was plotting to kidnap her and bring her to Mexico, etc.

I once asked a psychologist if it was possible to block the negative feelings without also blocking the positive feelings. She said No. So we must deal with one and enjoy the other, at the same time we control which direction our thoughts go, positive or negative. Not so easy to do. A requirement is to hang with upbeat people and avoid the negative people.

 

[svk]

A requirement is to hang with upbeat people and avoid the negative people.

Agree. I have worked very hard to remove negative people from my life. It sometimes makes things uncomfortable in the short run but much better in the long haul.

I excommunicated the aunt who stole several things of mine from my grandparents house. Honestly the only thing it hurt was my grandma (who was then in a nursing home) because she didn't understand. A few years later my aunt returned some of the things to me when I invited her to the family reunion that we held at my cabin. We talk infrequently now but are on good terms.