For the climbers

[oldugly]

I was just curious, what phrases you business owners, or foremen, or supervisors...whatever have heard that grates on your nerves the most, and why. I can give two here.
#! "I don't know how that happened".
(why) If you don't know how it happened, then you better figure it out. Everybody makes mistakes and accidents happen, but ignorance is shrugging your shoulders and not learning anything from it.
#2 "I don't get paid enough to think".
(why) If I'm paying you, you get paid enough to do what the job requires, and thinking is a prerequisite for safety...not thinking is almost certainly an accident waiting to happen.

 

[monkeypuzzle]

"I don't have much money and........" I hate the poor mouths.



I want to say, "well why in the heck did you call me." but I can't.

 

[John Paul Sanborn]

"Oh, uh, Boss, I got a Doctors appointment in an hour, i gotta leave now so I can clean up"

"That's not in my job desrctiption!"

"I don't work in the rain!"

At an interview "I need at least 15 an hour and benefits. Now what type of job is this?" We coulda gone over this on the phone!

"MY girlfreinds, stepmothers grandma died. I've gotta take the next few days off. Sorry I can't help with the big removal today."

'you got a new chain. I hit another rock."

 

[MasterBlaster]

I love the groundies who can't hear/understand what the climber is wanting until the chipper and every chain saw is shut down.

Huh???? What???? I can't hear you!!!! Thats usually followed by;

YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME!!!

Yeah - Right.

Freaking dillholes.

 

[Steve Bunyan]

Customer Comments


"I only have $100 to spend". Every January you do a budget and you allot a brown bill (Cdn) for tree work. B.S.

"I changed my mind. Put it back up." Har de friggin, har. Bring out the tree glue and the hackneyned jokes.

"Are you licensed to trim (crab)apple trees?" Yes, I can trim apple trees and top elms. I'm still studying on how to pull trees over with a 20' chain, a half-ton and a crooked backcut.

"Is that chain self-oiling?" No, I use the snot from my nose to keep it moving.

"Oh there's tax on that?" Yes, tree work is a legitimate business. Cash jobs are fine but the $ usually gets spent on beer.

"Well you're the pros, you know better than I do." Then they proceed to tell you which branches to cut and where to cut them.


I know they pay the bills but they never cease to amaze me with their ignorance.

 

[Treeman14]

"I want everything over the roof cut off. If we have a hurricane, I don't want anything hitting my roof."
There is actually a local company which advertises, "We can hurricane-proof your trees." What's that all about? Basal pruning???


One of my favorites is the guy who waits 3 or 4 months after getting the estimate and then wants the work done ASAP, like tomorrow. "Yeah, OK. I've been waiting for you to call. We'll be right over." NOT!


Employees who don't think or pay attention to what's going on around them: Last week they backed the chipper in at a funky angle so the chute was aimed over the side of the truck. Did anyone besides me notice this? No. Half a dozen limbs went through and sprayed all over the street before one of them saw me frantically waving and screaming from the tree.

 

[TheTreeSpyder]

It's in the other truck........

Can't 'we' just climb up, over there and get that too....

i thought i did......

What do you mean, what did i think you meant the first 6 times?

it wasn't full?



When told a few minutes ago to packup to go have lunch bought for him- Well yeah but i had to take a break first......

i had to stop for cigarettes;
couldn't find my lighter....
who's got a cigarette?
i dropped my cigarette

i did move it out of the way once.....

(Every Morning) It's gonna rain today.......

That line in the dirt isn't from a saw.....

Sorry we didn't hear you, we all ended up out front so took a break.....

Well, i filled the one tire,
i checked the oil not brake fluid.....

i wished i had moved that rope.......

Which side for the oil?

Are there any more bar nuts?

Last night i got so......

i didn't watch when you explained....

up north we.....

can't you throw those things in?

i'm a real estate agent and can get you lots of work, so give me a deal....

Can't you just give me a price over the phone....

Can i borrow that saw?

Oh the Bluuuuuuuuue rope........

i did pull easy......

i forgot you said to let the rope run (60seconds ago).....


Directions:
i'm not sure which way is north
Turn at that one place
i'm not sure what the next block over is
Honey, what's are number/address?



We don't have an answering machine and just figured you'd keep calling

i thought you'd be taller.......

But i was smoking with the other hand.....

My wife just left with the checkbook...

Why should i have to move my car?

Oh we put the fence up the day after you looked at the tree, why?

That saw is okay near the tire.....

Shouldn't we eat first, then see if it rains?

i thought i had guys lined up to werk the ground.....





Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: Wejust put those palms in, can you climb up and trim them...............

 

[Treeman14]

Good ones Spydey.

We just landscaped the back yard, don't drop anything on the new plants.

We just put in a new pool and need these 80 foot pines removed.

 

[Menchhofer]

How about customer has watched you all day deadwooding. Waits until you get everything back in the truck and asks "Would you please get this limb up there ?"

"Do you mind if I do a little trimming before you get here..that way you can just throw it in your chipper."

"Do I need to be home when you are doing the work?"

"I am putting my kids through college and do not have alot of money right now so take it easy on me."

"If you give me a good price (like the realtor) I know alot of people I could refer your way."

" This tree is just getting out of control and too tall"

Phone message" MY name is John Doe, I live at anystreet and would like an estimate on topping my front tree. Just stop by and leave an estimate in the door for me, thanks"

"I would like for you to come back in the winter when things are slow so I can get your winter rate. " What is a winter rate? I would be in trouble if I did not make enough money to last through the winter...my rates are surely not going to be any less expensive just because it is cold.

 

[Treeman14]

"Why do I have to wear a hardhat while I'm climbing?"

 

[John Paul Sanborn]

i'm a real estate agent and can get you lots of work, so give me a deal....

Get me lotsa work, then I'll give you a deal.

i thought you'd be taller......

I'll probably say the inverse of that statement

<HR>

Here is one that yanks my chain

"Whaddaya mean? I can take this cigarette and put it out in the gas!

 

[NeTree]

"I thought you meant..."

"Sorry I'm late..." (insert lame excuse here)



"Since you have the chipper running anyway, do you mind if I throw this in?"


"Can I borrow that saw for a second? I've got some stuff I want to cut out back."

 

[Ax-man]

Phone rings 6 a.m.

Arborist answers Hello (barely awake still on first cup coffee)

Phone caller " Can you cut a tree down today I'm gonna build a house and the guy is coming to dig the hole this afternoon. "

____________________________________________________


Guy calls me up to see if I would sell him a set of climbing spurs to cut his own tree.

Called the phone company first their reply ""We threw all our spurs away we use bucket trks. now, try a tree service."

Of course this nut picks us, of course, my reply '' We also threw all our spurs away since we got a bkt. trk"

Gave him my competetors number.

Where do these people come from any way.

 

[Stumper]

Oh and then there are the calls....
"Do you cut trees for the wood? You could have the firewood.

"I'm thinking about having a tree removed. When is the best time to do that?" Okay, If they want to know what fits in my schedule ,fine--- but people ask this as if the phase of the moon and ambient temperature are important factors in killing trees.

"I cut some trees -do you do chipping?" (Actually I'll go and bid these.)

" Do you have a chainsaw?" Yes maam. I've got eleven of them.

"Do you have a cherry picker? I think you'd need a cherry picker." Hmm...... since they know so much about the work perhaps they could do their own bid and save me the trouble?

"My_______ (insert husband,brother-in-law, nephew, neighbor,etc) cut most of it except the part over the house.It shouldn't be too much since they cut most of it ,should it?"

 

[Tree Machine]

Things people say

"Are you bonded?"

"What do you usually charge for a tree job?"

"My 8 year-old was wondering if you would teach him to climb."

"Will you take your shirt off?"

"Wow, why do you need so many tools?"

"Does that saw run on gas or oil?'

"I like your pink thingys" (slings)

"When you take the log down, can you saw it up into boards for me?"

-TM-

 

[Crispin Hoar]

To a municipal arborist:

Are you clearing the wires?
Are you here to cut my tree down?
I love trees, but can you take the top off this tree it might fall?
The mayor wants mini lights in the trees around City Hall!

 

[NeTree]

Originally posted by Stumper
Oh and then there are the calls....
"Do you cut trees for the wood? You could have the firewood.

Sure! All you pay for is the removal!

Tell ya what....
Cut it down, chip the brush, split the wood, and I'll swing by and pick it up!

I hate those calls...

 

[moose]

About once a year I'll get a customer that says "I ran an extension cord out the garage so that you can plug in your chainsaw" Does anyone else get this?

 

[Ax-man]

We get the extension cord bit to sometimes.

____________________________________________________

How about the people who start cutting a tree, can't finish it , but they cut every thing off you need to work with.
OR
Go to rental yard, rent a lift for day and still can't finish it because
"Their big 16 in saw is to small to finish it " These are always good for a late Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning and they HAVE TO BE DONE RIGHT NOW!
____________________________________________________

The ones I like are the cheap skates that call from a town 30 - 40 miles away with a big tree to take down, want a FREE estimate of course. I give phone quote that is higher than the local guys.

They just don't get the fact that we have charge for travel time.
But for some reason were going to be cheaper.
____________________________________________________

When doing removal bids, people have seen to many lumberjacks on TV.

Sure lady I use the magical notch to make that tree fall around your house, miss those wires and won't land on top of the neighbors fence. No Problem at all

 

[Treeman14]

And then last week, "I made a carrot cake and some fresh lemonade. Do you want some?" Guess who got the extra special clean-up?