Price List

[Whitespider]

I’ve decided to sell firewood. Please critique my price list.

• Bird Crap Cord - $5.oo (five pieces off the top of the stack)
• Six-Pack Cord - $8.oo (one bundle of six pieces)
• Smokin’ Six-Pack Cord - $7.75 (one bundle of six unseasoned pieces for your smoker)
• Bargain Cord - $9.oo (bundle of 8, but two pieces are punky as heck)
• Bakers Dozen Cord - $16.5o (2 Six-Packs plus an extra piece)
• 6x6 Cord - $45.oo (6 Six-Packs)
• Pint Cord - $50.oo (1/8 cord, better deal than the 6x6 but not in bundles)
• Drunkards Cord - $75.oo (that would be a “fifth” of a cord)
• Quart Cord - $90.oo (1/4 cord)
• Face Cord - $120.oo (OK, I’ll concede it’s a 1/3 cord)
• Rick Cord - $150.oo (whatever I feel like throwin’ in the truck tonight)
• Grab Bag Cord - $160.oo (Weekend version of a Rick Cord)
• Texas Fifth Cord - $165.oo (1/2 cord)
• Stove Cord - $215.00 (2/3 cord… learned a new one tonight)
• Cheap azz Cord - $255.oo (3/4 cord)
• Cord - $300.oo (cord)
• 9-Pint Cord - $345.oo (cord plus a pint)
• Lazy Man Cord - $380.oo (cord, stacked)
• Picky Guy Cord - $400.oo (cord, stacked neatly)
• SOB Cord - $500.oo (cord… you were a PITA last time)

 

[Guido Salvage]

Accordingly, I will accord it some thought.....

 

[zogger]

Mystery cord (random chunks of various contains mostly cellulose and lignin stuff) Price--you'll find out!

Cord-0-Matic (my cousin zeke delivers and he likes throwing chunks-no stacking, he just throws them all over the yard) $295 -save five bucks over normal price, whutta deal!

About-Face Cord (when I deliver, you have to turn around until I leave..then you find out what got delivered... Everyone loves surprises!) $149.99

Chorde in E flat (cuzzin LuLu serenades you when you take delivery, gratuities not included in price) $279.95

Standing Rick (cuzzin Rick comes over and stands around your yard, great for like halloween, weddings, etc.) $7.50 /hr plus eats and one six pack

Quorde (Be the first one in your 'hood to get one of these..err..quantities. A nice load of wood. Really. There's a lot.) Intro special $99.99, plus a set of free steak knives!

A Cord (cool old car my uncle zepheula used to drive around, said he stuck them Yugo emblems on it "jiss fer fun") Special collectors antique, Jay Leno really wants this car bad, but for you..only $479.00, plus you have to take cuzzin Lulu out on just one date. She likes meat and taters.

Double Ricked Cord (cuzzin Rick, plus his brother..Rick, come over and hang out in your yard, they lean against each other so no one can sneak up on 'em) Only $12.50/hr plus eats and a 12 pack-they'll hang out by your woodpile if ya want, they likes that as it makes it easier to get rid of the used beer...

Frankencord (Aunt Mobelene comes over and yells at Rick and Rick to pay attention, so they don't screw up the gig..she'd scare a stump clean off'n the ground she would) $18.95/hr, plus double eats and a case

and out best possible firewood deal today, step up to..

LOAD O CORDS! (Why, she's a good ole truck, jiss look at 'er! Why she can carry a load o cords, so that's what ya get, a load. Bound to be some cords there...shoot lookit that pile, pret near 50 piece of wood I reckon...got to be a load of cords in there, just stack it up purty) $750.00 plus any ole tires ya got laying around

 

[gulity1]

Spider Ill take a 9-pint Cord but it needs to be a pint of either corn mash perfered (no sugar) or Bookers, either will do niclely Very funny thanks