If you worked for me you wouldn't leave the ground until you at least had your friction hitch and the running bowline down. And then you wouldn't get off the ground with anything but a handsaw.
I like a clove hitch more..
wrap around, OVER the top of the rope at an angle, wrap around, UNDER the cross, two half hitches
I'm not sure if this will help, but:
I think you might be expecting the wrong part of the knot to tighten up. The loop created by a regular bowline will not and should not tighten up when force is put on it. A running bowline, on the other hand, is a choker style knot. If you keep that in mind when tying it, it may help you understand what is supposed to happen. Learn how to tie a bowline really well. Then, incorporate the 'running' part into it.
I don't think you're dumb. The dumb ones are out there trying to figure this stuff out all by themselves. You're at least on here wanting to learn. That's pretty big.
http://www.netknots.com/html/running_bowline.html
Another site that might help. I hate to beat a dead horse for you, but this is one of those knots that once you master it, you'll use it all the time.
On the clove hitch:
I have read that it will roll out too but have never seen it happen first hand. I was taught to use both the running bowline and the clove hitch when I was learning, although we called the clove hitch the claw hitch or cross claw in my circle back then. And i have seen some huge spar pieces tied off with that knot back when we were butt hitching without a block. It is great to use when you are lowering multiple limbs at the same time. I will rope two or three with the clove hitch and terminate with a running bowline. Works great. However, the running bowline is a much more functional knot. You can tie it at arms length and draw it up to your tie off point. Likewise, the groundies can pull it out from the piece and untie it at arms length.
Charsha1,
When I was first starting out the climber I worked for cut me about a 6' length of rope and gave me the task of learning 4 knots, a prussic for my friction hitch, a running bowline, a claw hitch or clove hitch and the butterfly knot. I had to learn all of those knots before I was allowed to climb. I carried my practice rope with me everywhere. Even when I was drinking beer at night I was practicing my knots. I lived with the climber that I worked for so I always had him around to check my knots. I had all four knots down within a week. If you lived closer I would put you to work.
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When I was first starting out the climber I worked for cut me about a 6' length of rope and gave me the task of learning 4 knots, a prussic for my friction hitch, a running bowline, a claw hitch or clove hitch and the butterfly knot...
I can do that knot but when I pull it it seems like it's going to slide off but maybe it's just me. Do u still use that knot when you top a tree and lower it or a branch that stands stright up?