If I fell out of tree and my wife saw it she would quietly walk away , collect the insurance money and marry someone who didn't stink.
I got done ripping out the black moldy caulk from within my shower floor about an hour so I made a jug of martinis and came down to start a fire and let the bleach evaporate from my sinuses. I was just sitting there minding my own business when there was rapping upon my front door. Hoping I would finally get to shoot someone, I went out the back door and snuck up on him. After his initial shock and against my religious beliefs I let him speak. He said something about seal coating my driveway while I surveyed his conveyance which turned out to be a jive ass non-descript white Ford F150, white in color and probably bought at auction, 2 wheel drive of course. Emblazoned upon this sad and pathetic vehicle were all sorts of words, most of which I could barely scrutinize. I did see one banner that stated " Complete Tree Work". So I did what any normal man would do, I squinted at him through my vodka and bleach polluted eyes and as my head lolled to and fro said, " I think you better leave right now " and he did.