you arent referring to this test?
The Maxim Chain Saw Massacre
We tested ’em-on flesh!
Maxim, Oct 2000
Brett Forrest
There were 33,158 chain-saw-related emergency room visits last year, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.
Specifically, that’s 27,928 lacerations, 1,181 fractures, and 86 amputations-and let’s not forget all the unreported bedroom incidents. Those numbers alone tell why we love these buzzing beasts, but as two-time defending champion of the Stihl Timbersports Series Jason Wynyard adds, “It’s the power of the thing, the danger. It’s loud. The engine throbs in your hand. It’s like driving a hot rod.” ( Hmm, what goes on at those competitions, anyway?)
To separate the electric toothbrushes from the killing machines, our hardy group of four testers lugged the latest saws out to some poor guy’s backyard in New Jersey; we also brought a giant log, a 300-pound block of ice, an old couch, and-most important-two 400-pound forequarters of beef. We recorded the average time each saw took to cut through each item. By day’s end we were dazed, reeking of gasoline, and wading through dog-size chunks of slaughtered steer.
Know this: To bring you these reviews, we went to places within ourselves where men should not go…
Poulan Woodsman 2150 ($150)
Specs: 12 lbs, 34 cc Feels like: Satan’s little helper
Sounds like: Sam Kinison stumbling into a huge nest of killer bees
Pedigree: Despite his French heritage, Poulan’s founder made chain saws affordable for the common Joe back in 1970 and in the process became the largest U.S. manufacturer of them.
The Woodsman 2150, Poulan’s smallest midrange saw, sports a special SuperClean engine system, which supposedly increases efficiency and air-filter life.
Wood (23.54 seconds): Clearly this saw is no speed demon, but the 2150 nevertheless pushed steadily through the log without jamming-the little saw that could.
Ice: First place. “The light weight makes the 2150 an artiste’s blade,” said one tester, who had obviously spent too much time in the 90-degree heat, adding, “I could do a bust of Brian Boitano with practice!” A slightly more lucid volunteer felt that he “could easily carve something beautiful, but it was more fun just to tear sh*t up.”
Couch (12.3 seconds): The polite Woodsman had too many manners; it skidded along the armrest, seemingly asking permission to grab a seat. Rather than leveling the sofa in a few psychotic swoops, this saw appeared to pick at its food.
Beef (14.7 seconds): Like a ratty old **** star, the 2150 “seemed impervious to having mountains of meat moving through its parts,” said one tester. Disbelieving its endurance, he kept pushing it deeper and deeper into the side of beef, until his shoulders were flat up against the hanging musky hunk. Finally he began to gag uncontrollably.
Stihl 088 Magnum ($1,465)
Specs: 31 lbs,
122 cc, 8.5 hp
Feels like: A Tasmanian devil about to be neutered
Sounds like: Christine…the snowmobile
Pedigree: The Magnum is one of the world’s largest and most powerful production chain saws. Need we say more?
Wood (9.4 seconds-first place): Eagerly devouring the log of superhard Adirondack white ash (which, incidentally, they make baseball bats from), this baby was clearly in its element. It tore through the piece of tree like a deli man slicing off a hunk of Brie.
Ice: At an unwieldy 31 pounds, the Magnum was ???? near impossible to handle and aim precisely. But it made up for this shortcoming with incredible power, crunching through the block with the subtlety of an arctic icebreaker.
Couch (7.03 seconds): The Magnum ripped the family sofa to pieces with all the zeal of a teen who’s been grounded the night before the prom.
Beef (9.5 seconds): So powerful was this frightening saw that upon first contact, the dead cow bucked backward and swung on the meat hook. To remedy the situation, we brought in a grossed-out assistant, who held the meat in place à la Paulie in Rocky. Now that it had a fixed target, the monster German cutter not only splayed the beef but actually cooked the meat as it peeled through, turning hunks gray on the blade. Apparently steak tartare doesn’t fly in Hamburg.
Husqvarna 3120XP ($1,160)
Specs: 30 lbs, 119 cc, 8.7 hp
Feels like: A Gatling gun
Sounds like: A kamikaze about to sayonara your @ss
Pedigree: Loved by lumberjacks, the 3120 is Husqvarna’s biggest saw; its decompression valve makes pull-starting easy. This company originally made muskets for the Swedish army…and we all know what asskickers they were.
Wood (9.9 seconds): The Husky sliced through the ash like a Ginsu knife through an onion. “If I were a redwood tree,” one tester proclaimed, “this saw would make me pee my roots.”
Ice: As the saw angrily bit off large ribbons of ice, it was clear that it couldn’t carve delicate swans for wedding receptions. “It’s too heavy,” said a tester, “but it could devastate an igloo in seconds.”
Couch (6 seconds-first place): Auntie Clara’s sofa erupted like a foam-spewing volcano upon contact with this saw. Is it a coincidence that IKEA is also Swedish?
Beef (9 seconds-first place): As the now sickened testers silently took turns, each noticed that the meat resisted the Husky only slightly. Once in, the saw liquefied flesh and rib alike, spraying what one tester described as “an arcing 20-foot fountain of beef dust.”
Black & Decker Log Hog ($100)
Specs: 10 lbs, 12.5 amps, 3.5 hp
Feels like: A power drill with delusions of grandeur
Sounds like: An effeminate housefly Pedigree: Yes, this one’s electric. The power tool giant introduced the Log Hog, its first chain saw, this past spring. The chain, like the best one-night stands, is self-lubricating.
Wood (had a coronary after 6 seconds): The Log Hog was anything but, breathing its dying breath midway through its first cut on the lumber.
Ice: After reviving this ailing saw, we put it to the ice, noticing immediately that it required a firm hand to make an incision. As the blade skidded over the surface, the saw’s cord dangled above the pooling water, making the wimpier testers fear electrocution.
Couch (28 seconds): Perhaps Black & Decker should stay indoors: The Hog actually made it through the sofa’s cloth, wood, and foam. But it did so without any of the destructive élan of the other saws.
Beef (suffered a fatal aneurysm): It was all over once the Log Hog hit bone. Its final resting place: a ragged five-inch slot between two shredded ribs. It never started again.
Makita DCS 520 ($309)
Specs: 14 lbs, 52 cc, 3.3 hp
Feels like: A beaver with ADD
Sounds like: Early Van Halen
Pedigree: Axis powers team up again: In ’91 the Japanese power-tool maker Makita bought the German company Sachs-Dolmar, manufacturer of the first gas-powered chain saw. The 520, Makita’s first saw, packs an excellent power-to-weight ratio.
Wood (15.8 seconds): “Maneuverability is our key,” said the Makita marketing man, and dang if he wasn’t right. The 520 took longer to slice the wood than the larger saws did, but it was so light, we didn’t feel like we were curling a Volkswagen.
Ice: Like a minor-league pitcher, the Makita displayed more force than control. It was tough to carve anything finer than kidney-shaped ice cubes for our margaritas.
Couch (13+ seconds): Maybe we ran this one too hard. On most tries the machine became hotter than hell, blue-black smoke poured from the engine, and we had to hit the kill switch-way too much work for a bunch of unpaid, meat-splattered testers.
Beef (24.5 seconds): When the folks at Makita thought up their “all-purpose saw,” they clearly didn’t consider livestock. The 520 bit off more than it could chew and “almost choked on the meat several times,” according to one tester. But it butchered on, and when we finished, beef and tester looked like extras from the bathtub scene in Scarface.
I wonder what the dudes car looked like....
