Funny Money for Fish

[Dennis]

Hey fish..will these do for your daughters collection??

 

[Fish]

Nice looking cash! Who's the babe?

 

[Dennis]

Oh, her? thats my mother...

 

[tony marks]

nice looking lady

 

[Gypo Logger]

Canadian Tire Money

Hi there, because I am a generous and thoughtful individual, I will let my American friends in on a secret.
Firstly, Canadians pay very little for saws because of the NLAP(Northern Living Allowance Program), usually 6 saws per family can be secured for free and if you are dependant upon saws to make a living as most Canadians are, an individual can get 8 saws/year at no cost. This program is subsidized by our generous Goverment here in Ottawa. Additional saws can also be gotten by turning in firearms as equal trade.
Now my point here is that American visitors to Canada can impersonate a Canadian and also make use of this NLAP.
Firstly, apply for a drivers licence in the province of Quebec, use the licence to acquire a fishing or hunting permit, use the permit to get your CAC (Chainsaw Acquisition Certificate), then purchase some fishing tackle etc., at the local Canadian Tire Store.
Thirdly, use the Canadian tire money you get back to show that you are in fact a Canadian when you go to the NLAP- Saw Division, suite 325, Queen Elizabeth Ave. Pointe Claire Quebec. LOP 3G6
If you have a particular regional accent you may give yourself away, so you can either go for local speech therapy or better still, say as little as possible, as you wont be interogated, especially if you wear a touque and mackinaw and stink of bar oil.
In order not to get arrested at the border with a saw, simply have it forwarded to your address at home.
Further questions can be directed to: Al Wedgewood, Sherbrooke Quebec, 250 674 3562.
Hope this helps,
John

 

[WRW]

Ya'll get many takers on that firearms for chainsaws deal? I've got a SNS I'd give up for a chainsaw so I could sell it and buy a real gun (Sig).

 

[Dennis]

wrw, the firearms/chainsaw trade has become alot more popular due to recent gun laws being passed here in Canada. Myself, being in the interior, I see it alot more than other dealers as everyone here used to have a rifle in the back window of the pickup....but now with the trade, we have a mountain of paperwork to do and send to Ottawa, as well as turning the guns over to the local RCMP with the proper paperwork, to claim the funds for the saws given. It is a pain for the dealers, but good for the consumer.

The only other point John neglected to mention, now that he is giving away our secrets, when applying for the CAC, you will need to supply 2 passport style photos, which need to be signed, by someone you have known for more than two years...and is in a public position ie:notary, lawyer, police..etc...and lives in the province in which you are applying....there are ways around that..you just need to be creative...

Al Wedgewood is a good contact, although can be a little abrasive now and then....my advice....work on the accent!

-Blessed are the children, for they shall inherit the national debt.

 

[Rotax Robert]

I'll just shoot a few trees down befor I give up my guns.

 

[WRW]

Robert,
A good chopper will do that, as will an M60. Kinda defeats the chain debate though, don't it?

 

[Rotax Robert]

Yes Sir it does, GOD BLESS AMERICA and CANADA too if he has time....but then again as the ole addage goes..." YOU CAN TAKE MY SAW WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD, STIFF FINGERS"

 

[tundraotto]

youlll have to pry my trigger finger off the trigger before you can touch my saw - lol i love it!

 

[Gypo Logger]

Hi There, I couldnt figure out why our Federal Government offered saws in trade for firearms, but then heard thru a leak in the press while reading the Toronto Star that CAF ( Canadian Armed Forces) were using the guns to make armoured tanks for peace keeping missions. This will give us a total of 5 tanks now. Apparently, it takes approx. 375,000 rifles rendered down to make just one tank, but the result is an impervious but very heavy piece of equipment. The program has affectionately been dubbed, " Saws for Piece". Older saws, prior to 1962 can also be traded in for a new one at an exchange rate of 12:1, because of the durable metal that theses saws were made of then.
Our American friends can also reep the benifits of this program by addressing their unwanted rifles and saws to a friend in Canada, but the action must first be removed, or be sawn into at least three pieces, but first remove the wooden stock and forearm to save on shipping costs.
This is all the more reason to attend the Clearwater Revival at Greffards in B.C. because a "Saws for Piece" dropbox has recently been placed near the Log Inn Pub on Sitka Street.
Dennis will be helpful in seeing that you get your voucher for your new saw.
For those wishing to attend the revival, your best bet is to fly to Kamloops, British Columbia, which is about 1 hr. from Clearwater, just follow the logging protest signs.
John

 

[DDM]

Gypo, Maybe that explains why ive seen so many New Saws offered on Ebay from canada. But explain something to me you said that you can get 6 new saws a year correct? do the give you a dollar amount? or a voucher? could you get lets say
6 Stihl 088's or 6 026's? just curious

Later,
David

 

[dozerdan]

I personally feel that this is just a Canadian Government plot,its just another way of removing firearms from the people.What are you people going to do if there is ever a war in your country.Do you think your small armed forces can protect you?You will all be able to stand outside your door and say here I am,I am unarmed,just shoot me.
There is no magic steel in a gun barrel,the stuff is soft.If you ever opened up the chamber on one or turned the barrel down,you will know that they cut just like cold rolled steel.
For all of you that do attend ,I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a good time.But if you people are in favor of taking firearms away from the public,I will not be there!
If anything ever happens,I can not protect my family with a chain saw.
I dearly love saws but if our government said we had a choice between giving up our saws or our firearms,they would have some of my saws.The rest of them they will never find,I will bury them all over before they can have them.
Dan

 

[Dennis]

Dozer, while the government is trying to get the guns off the street, it is not a requirement. It is up to the people if they want to get rid of their rifles....I personally wont give up any of mine...and i have lots....

Here in Canada, our crime rate is very low, there is no need for guns, and we dont really fear an attack, as who would attack an unarmed country? The only crime here, is usually attributed to bike gangs and drug trade....
We do however, as a rule, keep a single shot rifle, as they are the most accurate of all, to ward off the grizzley bears when they are digging in the trash or on the back deck.

So, dozer, dont feel that we are advocating the govt's deal .."chainsaws for piece"...it is only one way of the government to rid themselves of unwanted guns...and keep the national quota for saws per person up.

-Nothing spoils a good party like a genius.

 

[WRW]

Why can't you turn in a drug dealer for a saw? or can you?

 

[Gypo Logger]

Hi Dave, the choice of saw is optional and is based usually on ones experience or requirements, however they can be traded up or down at the users discretion regardless of condition.
Stihl Arctics and Husky Sno Pro's are usually the model of choice as many saws are used to cut holes in local lakes for subsistance fishing when putting a net thru the ice or sawing thru glacial snow for drinking water. These two methods require no bar lube as the melting snow and ice offer adequate lubrifucation. Even a dull chain will blast thru ice with abandon, this may be why Canadians are such poor filers. I have heard that saws destined for Canada receive closer attention by their manufacturers, hence , the beefed up cranks and larger mufflers, because they are passed around so much here from one owner to the other and have well nigh become a common currency.
Saw vouchers are issued and should be redeemed for saws but are often traded on the market for other goods or contraban unfortunately.
Dan, I also have a sinlge shot rifle. I am not sure of the make because it has been filed off it looks like, but it is a Farquaharson action with a falling block. I also have a Steven's Favourite Crack Shot I use for rabbits and ptarmagan. I think the Canadian government has forced the single shot rifle upon us in order that we may become better shots. Three shot clips are often used by the RCMP to curtail the odd biker war.
See ya's all at the Revival.
John

 

[Gypo Logger]

Hi there, WRW, dealers can be turned in for saws as can other criminals so as to allow the RCMP to affect an arrest. Redemption in saws is based on the statis of the the gang member or dealer according to what contraban is seized.
John

 

[Rubicon]

I have been reading this post and asking myself a question. Are you guys serious? I am canadian and have never even heard of the NLAP. I made a search on the canadian government website and found nothing about this. Is this a joke or what? How in the world can you get six saws for free just for being canadian? If it is true tell me what I can do to get free saws.

 

[Fish]

So this is why you people are trying to lure us dumb rednecks
up there, so you can bust us for drugs in a sick arctic sting
operation, and we can languish in your Canadian prisons
while you have your way with our saws and firearms! I see
a pattern here, first you bleed our only natural resource left
for state chainsaw secrets, Walt Galer, and make the rest of
us think we are welcome up there at some loggers convention,
all along your evil plan is to take back this continent which
you think is yours. I am on to you now. Once you all steal
Walt's chain secrets, you will probably start your diabolical
invasion plan. I see it quite clearly now! It started when you
all started changing our currency to look as goofy as yours.