" The problem is all inside your head", I said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to fell a tree
I said it really is my habit to intrude,
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
I'll repeat myself at the risk of sounding crude
There must be fifty ways to fell a tree
You just put down the wedge, Reg
And hook it to the truck, Schmuck
You don't need no toy, Roy
Just drop the damn tree
No need to discuss much
Just cut it with the saw, Paul
And drop the damn tree.
Now the only name I could think of that rhymed with wedge was Reg so don't take it personally. There is absolutely no way I would actually be calling you a schmuck
So I drove up to work with one of my logger bubbers today in Lancaster Co. The first tree I zipped off the house without breaking any skylights but when it came to dropping the trunk here we went again with all that cutting and pounding and pulling on the rope with our hands til I was blue in the face.
Then I hucked myself up a couple little monsters til about 1:30 when I came down cause I was getting cranky and we needed to fell a poplar that was in the way of me finishing. It was felled in the direction of its lean and I thought this was going to be a quick thing but yet again Logger Bubbers is hammering with the wedges and working his chainsaw in the most vulgar of ways I ever seen. He was a-hammering and a-pounding for so long that I actually lost interest and hopped in my truck to eat organic granola bars and listen to my Paul Simon Cd. He was pounding them in and they were popping back out. I hope I am not that stubborn. He picked up his saw and I was thinking it was finally going to be over but instead he cut some bark off so the wedges would go in deeper.
There was another short spar standing there which I thought we should rig up nicely but before I knew it he's at it with the, well, you know, and we're at it with the, well, you know that too. He ended up pounding so hard and we were pulling so hard the thing chaired to the side and went towards the house. Of course if we had hooked it to the truck and made a normal, everyday, run of the mill notch and backcut that wouldn't have happened and if it did start to fall sideways I would have stomped the ****ing gas pedal and brought it down where it supposed to go.
But MAN! I was up some big tall oaks today and cutting long, heavy horizontals to which I wondered if I would ever see my kid again. Knocked out three which surprised me cause I have been sitting around eating and drinking since about a week and half ago.
Now sing with me:
Put down the wedge, Reg
Hook it to the truck, Buck
Cut it with the saw, Paul
I gotta pee, Lee.
Reg, you better be singing cause if yer not that would hurt my feelings and I am very sensitive to that sort of thing. No joke and I am not drunk or anything.
