# Memo: Cursing at Work



## mile9socounty (Apr 15, 2009)

(This is an actual memo handed out to us at work today.)

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

#1
Try saying: I think you could use more training.
Instead of: You don't know what the f__ you're doing.
#2
Try saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead of: She's a f__ing bit__.
#3
Try saying: Perhaps I can work late.
Instead of: And when the f__ do you expect me to do this?
#4
Try saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
Instead of: No f__ing way.
#5
Try saying: Really?
Instead of: You've got to be sh__ing me!
#6
Try saying: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead of: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
#7
Try saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead of: It's not my f__ing problem.
#8
Try saying: That's interesting.
Instead of: What the f__?
#9
Try saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
Instead of: This sh__ won't work.
#10
Try saying: I'll try to schedule that.
Instead of: Why the f__ didn't you tell me sooner?
#11
Try saying: He's not familiar with the issues.
Instead of: He's got his head up his a__.
#12
Try saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead of: Eat sh__ and die.
#13
Try saying: So you weren't happy with it?
Instead of: Kiss my a__.
#14
Try saying: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
Instead of: F__ it, I'm on salary.
#15
Try saying: I don't think you understand.
Instead of: Shove it up your a__.
#16
Try saying: I love a challenge.
Instead of: This f__ing job sucks.
#17
Try saying: You want me to take care of that?
Instead of: Who the f__ died and made you boss?
#18
Try saying: He's somewhat insensitive.
Instead of: He's a pr_ck.


Thank You,
Management.

(Most of this comes out in the brush. Normally we don't say too much to anyone around the compounds. That's how you get noticed.)


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## forestryworks (Apr 15, 2009)

kinda humorous


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## Zackman1801 (Apr 15, 2009)

Some of those were completely hilarious. Especially numbers 2-3.


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## Ontario_Logger (Apr 15, 2009)

:hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange:


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## mile9socounty (Apr 15, 2009)

I'm personally fond of #16.


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## Zackman1801 (Apr 15, 2009)

mile9socounty said:


> I'm personally fond of #16.



that one made me laugh pretty hard. Along with #12. That one was pretty good. I think i would die laughing if someone seriously handed me a paper with these on it.


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## mile9socounty (Apr 15, 2009)

They should have added one more to the list.

#19
Try saying: I think I have worn myself out for the day.
Instead of: I f__ing quit!


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## TimberFaller660 (Apr 15, 2009)

good stuff!!! :hmm3grin2orange:


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## slowp (Apr 15, 2009)

I think I will print it and hang it up in my office.


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## lfnh (Apr 15, 2009)

slowp said:


> I think I will print it and hang it up in my office.



LOL,
um, thinking of early retirement, are ya?


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## mile9socounty (Apr 15, 2009)

slowp said:


> I think I will print it and hang it up in my office.



Lol. I'm going to see if I can't get another copy of the memo myself. Post it up on the wall or something. I still have the one they gave me. Just filled in the blanks and doodled on it. The refresher course is boring as hell. But got that and the pack test out of the way, for another year.


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## windthrown (Apr 15, 2009)

What the :censored:? What kind of :censored:ing memo is that :censored:???


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## 056 kid (Apr 16, 2009)

#### that ####...


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## duckman_04290 (Apr 16, 2009)

thats awesome


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## BC_Logger (Apr 16, 2009)

I love the first one

#1
Try saying: I think you could use more training.
Instead of: You don't know what the f__ you're doing.


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## KD57 (Apr 16, 2009)

LOL, that's funny as the space that has fire below heaven. ( I got the memo too) :hmm3grin2orange:


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## redprospector (Apr 16, 2009)

A guide line for the A.P.C.W. (Association of Politicaly Correct Woodsmen, uh, I mean Woodspersons).

Andy


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## Mike Van (Apr 16, 2009)

Good ones!!!


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## slowp (Apr 16, 2009)

I found myself telling the road crew guys -- "That cedar was a tough male offspring of a female canine."


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## forestryworks (Apr 16, 2009)

slowp said:


> I found myself telling the road crew guys -- "That cedar was a tough male offspring of a female canine."



did everything screech to a halt and get real quiet as a tree fell over in a state of chaotic confusion?


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## Stihl Does It (Apr 17, 2009)

:censored: hilarious post!


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## big daddio (Apr 17, 2009)

I would try some of those, but i have a fear of being sent to the funny farm.


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## mercer_me (Apr 18, 2009)

I found them to be pritty funny.


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## wvlogger (Apr 19, 2009)

:hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange::hmm3grin2orange:


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## madhatte (Apr 20, 2009)

mile9socounty said:


> The refresher course is boring as hell. But got that and the pack test out of the way, for another year.



Ughh. Gotta do that myself pretty soon. S-234 this next couple of weekends so it'll be awhile. We had our first (very small) fire today. Yep, it's that time of year again. I was behind the saw all day clearing firebreaks. Oh! And we just got a couple of new seasonals. Don't know their sense of humor yet. Might oughta want to follow those rules there!


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## JAM (Apr 26, 2009)

That'll go well with the "sensitivity training" we had recently.:hmm3grin2orange:


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## slowp (Apr 26, 2009)

I have already used them. Instead of calling a back stabbing weasel chicken excrement, I suggested that he could at least converse with the person he was talking about prior to expressing his accusations via e-mail to everybody else. I really really wanted to throw things and kick and stomp him. Diplomacy...it's not for everyone. And it isn't as satisfying.


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## mile9socounty (Apr 27, 2009)

slowp said:


> Diplomacy...it's not for everyone. And it isn't as satisfying.



Sometimes you just have to let it rip and cut into someone. Without apologizes later naturally.


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## mile9socounty (Feb 5, 2013)

Oh digging up bones. I'm digging up bones. What else was I suppose to do? I was talking about this about a months ago and couldn't find the paper. So here I sit all broken hearted, drinking and digging up bones. :msp_biggrin:


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## TreeGuyHR (Feb 6, 2013)

OK, I'll try making on up:

Perhaps if you withdrew the capitate end of your body from the terminus of your gastrointestinal tract, you could avoid treading on your phallus.

No, it just doesn't have that snap....:msp_biggrin:


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## mile9socounty (Feb 6, 2013)

No sir it doesn't. Good effort on trying though.


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## 4x4American (Feb 6, 2013)

mile9socounty said:


> Oh digging up bones. I'm digging up bones. What else was I suppose to do? I was talking about this about a months ago and couldn't find the paper. So here I sit all broken hearted, drinking and digging up bones. :msp_biggrin:



Im real glad you dug this one up...was a funny post


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## 4x4American (Feb 6, 2013)

still is for that matter


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## Rounder (Feb 6, 2013)

Cursing at work...

-If you catch a glimpse of a bright orange forester, curse like a complete lunatic while continuing to slam trees....keeps them away. Do not for any reason shut your saw off or quit cursing, this will only encourage them.

-If you know the big boss is lurking around, angrily curse like a complete wack-job. This will discourage him from coming into your strip for fear that you will quit. Throw your saw/hardhat, what ever it takes to look like a complete, raving lunatic.


Works great.....Tomorow's game plan anyhow


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## madhatte (Feb 6, 2013)

Rounder said:


> -If you catch a glimpse of a bright orange forester, curse like a complete lunatic while continuing to slam trees....keeps them away. Do not for any reason shut your saw off or quit cursing, this will only encourage them.



I wear a ratty green vest and a tin hat. Not a fan of orange. Go ahead and keep the saw running; I'm listening to see if I can guess what work you've had done to it. Watchin' your chips, too, to see if that's why you're cussin'. Mostly I'm watching the canopy open up and imagining the stand in 50 years. Loggers and foresters keep each other in business. No need for antagonism -- let's all save that for the bunny-huggers and fish-ticklers. OOPS -- did I say that out loud?


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## northmanlogging (Feb 6, 2013)

Fish ticklers... I knew there was something funny in the water down there...


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## TreeGuyHR (Feb 7, 2013)

northmanlogging said:


> Fish ticklers... I knew there was something funny in the water down there...



Right. And the fish ticklers use a battery powered wand... while wearing a rubber mask


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## madhatte (Feb 7, 2013)

TreeGuyHR said:


> Right. And the fish ticklers use a battery powered wand... while wearing a rubber mask



They are a strange breed.

(quoth he, vaguely aware of uttering an understatement)


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## Furious (Feb 8, 2013)

As a full time Correctional Officer first and a part time wanna be logger second, I have to say, anyone who laughs at that letter is the kinda person I want to have a beer with!!!!!!!


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## AndrewGeib (Feb 8, 2013)

*Great*

I'm so guilty of talking like that Lol, it's just too funny when you read it


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## ThatOneGuy (Feb 11, 2013)

*Yeah about that...*

I just started on this site and this is the first thing I read on here. I gotta say amazing memo, I think I would end up seeing if I could invent some new phases for them to make a list for.


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