# Advice on logging my 800 acres



## bitzer (Dec 11, 2011)

I have 800 acres that I'm going to be logging alone. It is full of straight 100' tall walnut and chestnut with a sprinkling of mature redwoods. I will be using a toboggan and my blue-tick coon hound sled team to skid the logs in order to minimize impact. We also average 240" of snow a year so I will be working in snowshoes all day. How much will I get paid for this and when? Please keep the replies under one well written and organized paragraph where you take 20-30 minutes to sum up your life's knowledge on the subject. 

PS: You can kiss my ass goodbye because you will never hear from me again.

Sincerely,

Dude who has already made up his mind, but just needs some type of group confirmation.


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## lfnh (Dec 11, 2011)

go with the hot air balloon 

:hmm3grin2orange: :hmm3grin2orange:


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## Sport Faller (Dec 11, 2011)

You should clear atleast 2.4 Million
The Log Buyers will always pay up front in cash, always
If you have a bad day and don't get any logs to the mill I'm sure they will understand and still pay you in advance for the next days pay


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## madhatte (Dec 11, 2011)

Dammit Bitz, you know dogs are no good for skidding. What you want is a couple dozen alley cats all pissed-off and harnessed up. They'll wind each other up enough that your biggest job will be roundin' 'em all up for the next turn. 

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here through Thursday.


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## Slamm (Dec 11, 2011)

Now this is a worthy thread, LOL.

Very, very good,

Sam


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## lfnh (Dec 11, 2011)

bitzer said:


> I have 800 acres that I'm going to be logging alone. It is full of straight 100' tall walnut and chestnut with a sprinkling of mature redwoods. I will be using a toboggan and my blue-tick coon hound sled team to skid the logs in order to minimize impact. We also average 240" of snow a year so I will be working in snowshoes all day. How much will I get paid for this and when? Please keep the replies under one well written and organized paragraph where you take 20-30 minutes to sum up your life's knowledge on the subject.
> 
> PS: You can kiss my ass goodbye because you will never hear from me again.
> 
> ...



fixed it for ya


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## Samlock (Dec 12, 2011)

bitzer said:


> I have 800 acres that I'm going to be logging alone. It is full of straight 100' tall walnut and chestnut with a sprinkling of mature redwoods. I will be using a toboggan and my blue-tick coon hound sled team to skid the logs in order to minimize impact. We also average 240" of snow a year so I will be working in snowshoes all day. How much will I get paid for this and when? Please keep the replies under one well written and organized paragraph where you take 20-30 minutes to sum up your life's knowledge on the subject.
> 
> PS: You can kiss my ass goodbye because you will never hear from me again.
> 
> ...



Dear Dude,

it seems to me you already have it figured out. Be patient, you'll get paid in the next life.

Best wishes,
Sam


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## slowp (Dec 12, 2011)

Get rid of the snowshoes. Skis are faster, especially for going downhill chasing the runaway dogs/cats. 

Why not skid with Shetland Ponies? They are cute. The photos would be priceless.


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## Sport Faller (Dec 12, 2011)

slowp said:


> Get rid of the snowshoes. Skis are faster, especially for going downhill chasing the runaway dogs/cats.
> 
> Why not skid with Shetland Ponies? They are cute. The photos would be priceless.



Either that or a team of 6 or so of those little, fuzzy, grey burros. Extra points if all the pics are in black and white and all the donkeys have really tough names

"Hye on there Rocky, whoa up Titan, whoooooaaa now"


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## Ductape (Dec 12, 2011)

madhatte said:


> Dammit Bitz, you know dogs are no good for skidding. What you want is a couple dozen alley cats all pissed-off and harnessed up. They'll wind each other up enough that your biggest job will be roundin' 'em all up for the next turn.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, I'll be here through Thursday.




Actually, this is exactly how I do it. You'd be amazed how at how hard they pull with nothing but a squirt bottle in your hand.


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## Oldtimer (Dec 12, 2011)

All I will say is............hire a WEST COAST faller. Try it yourself, and you'll split every tree and get killed on the last one.:msp_razz:


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## forestryworks (Dec 12, 2011)

Oldtimer said:


> All I will say is............hire a WEST COAST faller. Try it yourself, and you'll split every tree and get killed on the last one.:msp_razz:



And if you hire an EAST COAST feller you can watch him monkey around cutting 3ft. diameter trees with a 10" bar "because it's faster." He won't know it's faster though, cause he'll get hit by a widowmaker and never know it cause he cuts like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and can't see above the forester's blue stump mark :hmm3grin2orange:


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## Oldtimer (Dec 12, 2011)

forestryworks said:


> And if you hire an EAST COAST feller you can watch him monkey around cutting 3ft. diameter trees with a 10" bar "because it's faster." He won't know it's faster though, cause he'll get hit by a widowmaker and never know it cause he cuts like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and can't see above the forester's blue stump mark :hmm3grin2orange:



See, you clearly don't know the 411. We don't have any 3' trees. Ask any west coaster!:hmm3grin2orange:


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## slowp (Dec 12, 2011)

Ponies have an advantage. On the days when you can't work in the woods, head into town. Set up by a school or daycare center and charge for pony rides. You'll probably make more money this way and that will offset the loss of income caused from logging. :smile2:


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## bitzer (Dec 12, 2011)

All great ideas, but I talked to dude today, he will be using fainting goats for his team. In between skids he will milk them. Also, he will bore cut every single mother ####ing tree!

Hey Ole Timer and Jameson, didn't you guys learn anything from Biggie and Tupac? 

Its the mid-coast where the money is made.


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## slowp (Dec 12, 2011)

bitzer said:


> Its the mid-coast where the money is made.



I thought it was the Nort Coast.


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## bitzer (Dec 12, 2011)

slowp said:


> I thought it was the Nort Coast.



"Up Nort" will suffice as well. Represent, represent.

I also recently read that a "scandahoovian," was slang for a ciggarette in an 1880s WI logging camp.


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## 380LGR (Dec 12, 2011)

Whoo...... You all forgot the most important thing!!!!! You cant forget the consulting forester!! And I thought you all knew what you were talking about.....................


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## Gologit (Dec 13, 2011)

Don't forget, you need an old guy to ride around in a pickup. One with lots of antennas on it. His job is to lay out the job, set the strips, keep everything moving, snarl at everybody, and complain that the job is losing money. He _might_ tell you if you're doing something _right_...but don't count on it.

Speaking of which...time to head up the hill.


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## slowp (Dec 13, 2011)

bitzer said:


> "Up Nort" will suffice as well. Represent, represent.
> 
> I also recently read that a "scandahoovian," was slang for a ciggarette in an 1880s WI logging camp.



Dunno, my mom said we were part Scandihoovian. So I guess we were cigarettes. Go figure. 

Do you have a large amount, and many colors of flagging to hang all over the unit in a confusing manner? 
You'll need to paint the trees too. Put lots of paint on some, and then really skimp on other trees. Make sure to overspray a lot, that helps confuse things more. 

Then hire colorblind fallers.


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## madhatte (Dec 13, 2011)

bitzer said:


> didn't you guys learn anything from Biggie and Tupac?



Crap. I was tryin' to figure out how to crack that joke.


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## hammerlogging (Dec 13, 2011)

Gologit said:


> Don't forget, you need an old guy to ride around in a pickup. One with lots of antennas on it. His job is to lay out the job, set the strips, keep everything moving, snarl at everybody, and complain that the job is losing money. He _might_ tell you if you're doing something _right_...but don't count on it.
> 
> Speaking of which...time to head up the hill.



Where do I apply?


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## madhatte (Dec 13, 2011)

I gotta learn to snarl. Mostly I can't keep a straight face.


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## RandyMac (Dec 13, 2011)

Ya gotta get a 45 pound chainsaw, then add 72 inches of bar on it. Do you have a rattle trap, rust bucket mid '60s pick-up? It is a must have.


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## bitzer (Dec 13, 2011)

slowp said:


> Dunno, my mom said we were part Scandihoovian. So I guess we were cigarettes. Go figure.
> 
> Do you have a large amount, and many colors of flagging to hang all over the unit in a confusing manner?
> You'll need to paint the trees too. Put lots of paint on some, and then really skimp on other trees. Make sure to overspray a lot, that helps confuse things more.
> ...



Yeah I keep a book on the history of WI in the can. I will have to go back and see what that slang was all about. I thought it was funny because the only time I'd ever seen it written like that was from your posts. Also different colors will be used for seperate species. The money trees get a gold dollar symbol. 



I'm pretty sure there will be half of a 250 gallon old diesel tank to burn stuff in. The old guys should be able to hang out there.


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## bitzer (Dec 13, 2011)

RandyMac said:


> Ya gotta get a 45 pound chainsaw, then add 72 inches of bar on it. Do you have a rattle trap, rust bucket mid '60s pick-up? It is a must have.



Regarding the truck- there is one, but the ass end is up on blocks. The tires were burned off, but the rims are still good. There is a 4" wide continous tow strap that turns the spit over the big diesel fire. Just in case anything needs roastin.


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## bitzer (Dec 13, 2011)

madhatte said:


> I gotta learn to snarl. Mostly I can't keep a straight face.



Just think of Janet Reno naked. Works every time.


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## Gologit (Dec 14, 2011)

hammerlogging said:


> Where do I apply?



Sorry, kid...we already have somebody to do that. And there's a guy from the upper left corner of California who's next in line for the job. Check back with us, though.


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## Gologit (Dec 14, 2011)

bitzer said:


> Just think of Janet Reno naked. Works every time.



Well, there goes my appetite for breakfast.


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## RedArrow (Dec 14, 2011)

Funny thread guys, I love it!


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## parttime (Dec 14, 2011)

RedArrow said:


> Funny thread guys, I love it!





Funny? I was witin all this down for later use. dayum


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## bitzer (Dec 14, 2011)

Gologit said:


> Well, there goes my appetite for breakfast.



Yeah, at least Randy didn't lend you the visual. I damn near choked I stated laughing so hard.


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## RandyMac (Dec 14, 2011)

I guess we should warn Nate.


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## Samlock (Dec 14, 2011)

Gologit said:


> Sorry, kid...we already have somebody to do that. And there's a guy from the upper left corner of California who's next in line for the job. Check back with us, though.



That'd sound terrific: "Gentlemen, our new foreman is occupied at the moment, but he'll start as soon as he gets out of the prison..."


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## hammerlogging (Dec 14, 2011)

he only wants to do the snarling part though.


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## RandyMac (Dec 14, 2011)

I wonder if Nate got his eyesight back yet?


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## iceaxe (Dec 15, 2011)

You should get a forestry consultant to plan replanting. You may need to get rid of the stumps. I hardly see stumps in replanted forests except for those big hundred year old stumps.


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## RandyMac (Dec 15, 2011)

madhatte said:


> Dammit Bitz, you know dogs are no good for skidding. What you want is a couple dozen alley cats all pissed-off and harnessed up. They'll wind each other up enough that your biggest job will be roundin' 'em all up for the next turn.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, I'll be here through Thursday.



cowboys herding cats - YouTube


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## RandyMac (Dec 15, 2011)

hammerlogging said:


> he only wants to do the snarling part though.



Never have to raise my voice, I got the *glare* down.


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## slowp (Dec 15, 2011)

We call it "The Stink Eye".


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## madhatte (Dec 15, 2011)

RandyMac said:


> I wonder if Nate got his eyesight back yet?



Hard tellin'... I still refuse to open my eyes back up!


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## RandyMac (Dec 15, 2011)

Be happy that it wasn't Hillary.


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## Gologit (Dec 15, 2011)

RandyMac said:


> Be happy that it wasn't Hillary.



Yeah...can you picture Hillary in the throes of passion? Now _that_ would be a truly frightening sight.


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## hanniedog (Dec 15, 2011)

Think you should get an Elephant to skid with. Just have to add some seeds to its feed and it will plant trees every time it craps.


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## cpr (Dec 15, 2011)

RandyMac said:


> Never have to raise my voice, I got the *glare* down.



Works on the boy...

Help me wire it for the girls.

Might have to modify the song... Instead of "still cleaning this gun" (which is already done), I'll be "still sharpening this chain."


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## Gologit (Dec 15, 2011)

RandyMac said:


> Never have to raise my voice, I got the *glare* down.



Yup, if you have a good crew the GLARE is usually enough. No words needed. Maybe a little shake of the head, but no words.


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## RedArrow (Dec 23, 2011)

So how is the logging going out there?! Got your snowshoes on yet? Or did you clear a million and decide to quit early?
Maybe you could find one of these... A little more power than the dog team...View attachment 212907


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