# Teach me everything you know about chainsaws



## HuskStihl (Jul 27, 2016)

Hi guys! I'm in the process of writing a screenplay called "chainsaws". It's like the movie _Cars_
but with friendly animated chainsaws. Can anybody tell me anything about chainsaws? Specifically, what parts do they have? Are there different kinds? Please tell me they don't run on gasoline, that would ruin the story.
Thanks!


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## Bmezz88 (Jul 27, 2016)

Why does this thread sound familiar?


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## northmanlogging (Jul 27, 2016)

they run on decomposed Bambi blood and unicorn sperm... thought you new that already?


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## GrassGuerilla (Jul 27, 2016)

northmanlogging said:


> they run on decomposed Bambi blood and unicorn sperm... thought you new that already?


Well chit... No wonder I'm having so much trouble getting mine to run right?


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## northmanlogging (Jul 27, 2016)

gotta run that Uni SP mix just perfect... like 40-1 or 50-1

And make sure to get the good Bambi blood... not of that diluted heathanol stuff...


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## slowp (Jul 27, 2016)

They are designed by dinosauric engineers who should have invented a quiet chainsaw by now. That way, they might could be sneaked into the sacred wilderness areas to cut open the sacred wildernessy trails.


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## gary courtney (Jul 27, 2016)

i can't believe you think you can just come on the internet and learn this. you need to go into donut shops and pawn shops and inter mingle with people who talk about saws. this is half arsed.


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## HuskStihl (Jul 27, 2016)

slowp said:


> They are designed by dinosauric engineers who should have invented a quiet chainsaw by now. That way, they might could be sneaked into the sacred wilderness areas to cut open the sacred wildernessy trails.


Wait a minute, are you saying chainsaws are loud?!? Maybe my screenplay should be about leaf blowers instead. Can you tell me all about leaf blowers?


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## KiwiBro (Jul 27, 2016)

HuskStihl and the amazing techno-ported dreamsaw.


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## GrassGuerilla (Jul 27, 2016)

I know ported saws are a fad. All the screws just fall out of Husqvarna saws. Stihl air filters suck, but 362's are awesome. Oh yeah, apparently people that buy 562's don't know how to start them when hot.

Edit: I read it all on the interwebs, so it must be true.


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## northmanlogging (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> Wait a minute, are you saying chainsaws are loud?!? Maybe my screenplay should be about leaf blowers instead. Can you tell me all about leaf blowers?


 one, two, ah, ah, ah, leaf blowers
100 bottles of beer
and a bar stool

Drink 73 bottles of said beer, use friends for help
face leaf blower in same direction but hold one in each hand,
Sit comfortably on bar stool
Have strong "handsome" wife start leaf blowers for you
Hold throttle wide open
Lift feet
Try to 
A: stay upright and in seat
B: not vomit

Repeat as necessary

use remaining 27 bottles of beer to sooth hangover and bruises in morning.


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## northmanlogging (Jul 28, 2016)

GrassGuerilla said:


> I know ported saws are a fad. All the screws just fall out of Husqvarna saws. Stihl air filters suck, but 362's are awesome. Oh yeah, apparently people that buy 562's don't know how to start them when hot.
> 
> Edit: I read it all on the interwebs, so it must be true.



Um... the screws do fall out of huskys... the rest well that's just a matter of opinion, except ported saws, totally a fad that should have died with IEL...


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## HuskStihl (Jul 28, 2016)

I heard a 362 with the HD2 filter, and square chisel chain, filed to factory angles, is the bestest thing evah


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## Backyard Lumberjack (Jul 28, 2016)




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## Gugi47 (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> Hi guys! I'm in the process of writing a screenplay called "chainsaws". It's like the movie _Cars_
> but with friendly animated chainsaws. Can anybody tell me anything about chainsaws? Specifically, what parts do they have? Are there different kinds? Please tell me they don't run on gasoline, that would ruin the story.
> Thanks!


I post here many, many ifo for you:
http://www.arboristsite.com/community/forums/joke-and-funny-picture-forum.60/


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## bitzer (Jul 28, 2016)

The dangerous end is the side that looks like bicycle chain. Also columbian drug dealers use them to cut limbs off of Cuban refugees. That is if they can start their saw. Usually it ends in a hostile drug lord take over with mountains of cocaine being snorted and saying hello to little friends.


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## HuskStihl (Jul 28, 2016)

bitzer said:


> The dangerous end is the side that looks like bicycle chain. Also columbian drug dealers use them to cut limbs off of Cuban refugees. That is if they can start their saw. Usually it ends in a hostile drug lord take over with mountains of cocaine being snorted and saying hello to little friends.


WTF! Please don't tell me chainsaws also lead to ridiculous overacting!
If a chainsaw doesn't start, does that mean it's inner child is wounded?


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## GilksTreeFelling (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> WTF! Please don't tell me chainsaws also lead to ridiculous overacting!
> If a chainsaw doesn't start, does that mean it's inner child is wounded?


Naw just means you need to massage it's handle a bit and whisper words of persuasion to it some


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## Trx250r180 (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> WTF! Please don't tell me chainsaws also lead to ridiculous overacting!
> If a chainsaw doesn't start, does that mean it's inner child is wounded?


You will need your wife to start the saws ,i thought everyone knew that .


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## KiwiBro (Jul 28, 2016)

Trx250r180 said:


> your wife to start the saws


 Shirley you aren't calling his wife easy, as in easystart™?


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## KiwiBro (Jul 28, 2016)

Can we weave into this screenplay a tortured tale of illicit extra-cultural lurve, say, a pretty but abrasive 660 lusting after a manly 390 but a jilted and slightly psychotic 084, whose love of said 660 goes unrequited, spikes the 390's gas with a lethal dose of ethanol? The jury finds the 084 guilty and the judge sentences it to a lifetime (no parole) on a saw polishers shelf, and the last scene can be the 660 dies giving birth to a solo 637, some sort of genetic throwback sired by the 390.


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## Ikeholt (Jul 28, 2016)

When you are ready to audition some quality actors, I'd be interested in doing the piss reving scenes. Some say I'm a natural.


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## HuskStihl (Jul 28, 2016)

Trx250r180 said:


> You will need your wife to start the saws ,i thought everyone knew that .


Not no mo!


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## kz1000 (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> WTF! Please don't tell me chainsaws also lead to ridiculous overacting!
> If a chainsaw doesn't start, does that mean it's inner child is wounded?



Did they just legalize some kind-a-crap in your area????????


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## 2dogs (Jul 28, 2016)

I don't know nuthin bout chainsaws.


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## HuskStihl (Jul 28, 2016)

2dogs said:


> I don't know nuthin bout chainsaws.


What about leaf blowers?!?


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## hseII (Jul 28, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> WTF! Please don't tell me chainsaws also lead to ridiculous overacting!
> If a chainsaw doesn't start, does that mean it's inner child is wounded?



Your wife should have this reaction on file by now.


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## hseII (Jul 28, 2016)

Tail Mi Moar.


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## northmanlogging (Jul 29, 2016)

needs to be a couple of street gangs... the steel cutters, and the dawg butchers....

There might be dancing

The Fuzz could be the Macs or the po poulan

on a side note if you wan't yer saw to talk, engage the brake, then manipulate the throttle while pulling slightly back on brake lever, not fully disengaging but letting the brake free a bit, takes some practice


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## hseII (Jul 29, 2016)

northmanlogging said:


> needs to be a couple of street gangs... the steel cutters, and the dawg butchers....
> 
> There might be dancing
> 
> ...



I'll Take Your Word For It.


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## Trx250r180 (Jul 30, 2016)

Is yamabond a good sealer for chainsaws ?


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## lone wolf (Jul 30, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> Hi guys! I'm in the process of writing a screenplay called "chainsaws". It's like the movie _Cars_
> but with friendly animated chainsaws. Can anybody tell me anything about chainsaws? Specifically, what parts do they have? Are there different kinds? Please tell me they don't run on gasoline, that would ruin the story.
> Thanks!


Alright 50.00 an hour.


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## HuskStihl (Jul 30, 2016)

Trx250r180 said:


> Is yamabond a good sealer for chainsaws ?


Yes, but it's best if you use a metric fukton of the stuff.


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## hseII (Jul 30, 2016)

Trx250r180 said:


> Is yamabond a good sealer for chainsaws ?



Yes, especially around the filter and gas cap.


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## lone wolf (Jul 31, 2016)

hseII said:


> Yes, especially around the filter and gas cap.


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## CTYank (Jul 31, 2016)

There Will Be Blood. Or at least noise and a nasty smell.


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## hseII (Jul 31, 2016)

CTYank said:


> There Will Be Blood. Or at least noise and a nasty smell.



Those weren't tootsie rolls.


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## GilksTreeFelling (Aug 9, 2016)

the orange ones work the best.....


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## Gypo Logger (Dec 31, 2016)

HuskStihl said:


> Yes, but it's best if you use a metric fukton of the stuff.


I never liked that Yamabond, it tastes like prison ass. Lol


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