# True cost of heating with wood (joke)



## s219 (Oct 10, 2011)

So when I was a kid and we were heating with wood, I remember my dad had this paper he copied from the bulletin board at work, with a comical list of the true cost of heating with wood. It went something like this (going from memory, so missing a lot):

1. Stove $1200
2. Chainsaw $200

…

4. Donation to local Vol Fire Dept for 1st chimney fire response $100
…

7. Redneck tow to get pickup truck out of mud (AAA doesn't go into the woods) $50

…

10. Emergency room bill to get splinters out of eye $250

…

13. Donation to local Vol Fire Dept for 2nd chimney fire response $100

…

15. New coffee table (old one chopped up and burned while drunk) $400

…

17. Chiropractor bill for herniated discs in back $300

…

And the grand finale was "divorce settlement" to the tune of $25,000 or so.


Has anyone seen this list? I'd love to get a copy of the actual list for old time's sake. I'd guess it was around 1980 or so when it was circulating around, way before the internet. It was pretty funny (way better than the limited stuff I can remember).


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## Coldfront (Oct 10, 2011)

Never heard of it, and it sounds kind of stupid to me. And why would burning wood cause a divorce?


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## EXCALIBER (Oct 10, 2011)

Coldfront said:


> Never heard of it, and it sounds kind of stupid to me. And why would burning wood cause a divorce?


 
Clearly does not see the humor. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink :hmm3grin2orange: I have never seen it but I do understand where you are comming from. My gf says I spend more time playing with my chainsaw #### then I do with her blah blah blah or something like that. I see it happen no matter what it is, too much time at work, too much time at the bar drinking, too much time spend doing anything will put pressure on a marriage or a relationship


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## Coldfront (Oct 10, 2011)

I see some humor in it but not much. Obviously burning wood for heat is not for everyone, specially if you are to lazy to clean your chimney.


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## EXCALIBER (Oct 10, 2011)

Coldfront said:


> I see some humor in it but not much. Obviously burning wood for heat is not for everyone, specially if you are to lazy to clean your chimney.


 
Well everyone is human. That is like saying its your fault your car or truck broke down because your too lazy to maintain it. I'm sure you have had something break down on you before. Everyone makes mistakes and clearly this was put up for a laugh not real life, hence the two chimney fires.


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## XTROOPER (Oct 10, 2011)

*It IS funny1*

S219

I get it, I like it and I understand. I wish I had seen the original one, but I think you probably got the gist of it. Thanks, it's funny and has some truth in it.

XTROOPER::smile2:


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## Ironworker (Oct 10, 2011)

Funny, thanks for posting, unfortunatly some people take joy out of making people feel bad. Imagine going through life like that.


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## 1project2many (Oct 10, 2011)

*Found something close...*

From humor1-01.htm

Save $$$?
Heat with Wood

First year costs:

2 stoves and installation $1385.
Removal of hot water baseboard and boiler $238.
Search for reputable wood dealer N/A $76.
Chain saw $210.
Ax, wedges, maul, cant hook, etc. $119.
Old truck (junk after 1st load) $595.
Newer truck $8645.
Tire chains $88.
Replace truck's rear window (twice) $310.
Fine for cutting wrong trees $500.
5-acre woodlot $4995.
Splitting machine $950.
14 cases of beer $126.
6 fifths ginger brandy $38.
Fine for littering $250.
Towing charge (brook to road) $50.
Gas, oil, files, Band-aids $97.
Doctor's fee (sawdust in eye) $45.
Medical cost for broken toe (dropped log) $128.
Safety shoes $35.
Attempt to fix burned hole in carpet $76.
New living room carpet $699.
Paint living room $110.
Taxes on woodlot $44.
Woodlot boundary dispute settlement $465.
Roof repair after chimney fire $840.
Fine for assaulting fireman $50.
Extension ladder $55.
Chimney brush $22.
Medical fee for broken leg (fell off roof) $478.
Chimney cleaning service $90.
Replace coffee table (chopped up and burned while too drunk to bring firewood up from cellar) $79.
Divorce settlement $14,500.
EXPENSES $36,388

Sale of hot water boiler system $125.
Fuel oil savings $376.
CREDITS $501.

NET COST OF FIRST YEAR WOOD BURNING OPERATION; $35,887.


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## stihl in ky (Oct 10, 2011)

Now that's funny, and in some cases, somewhat true.:hmm3grin2orange:


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## s219 (Oct 10, 2011)

1project2many said:


> From humor1-01.htm
> 
> Save $$$?
> Heat with Wood
> ...


 


Thanks for digging that up -- that is definitely the list I remember, and it still cracks me up. For the full effect, picture it in black and white, and having been photo-copied a zillion times.

I like the subtle humor in the ordering, such as:

Old truck (junk after 1st load) $595
Newer truck $8645

Fine for cutting wrong trees $500
5-acre woodlot $4995

Medical cost for broken toe (dropped log) $128
Safety shoes $35

That almost perfectly describes how I learn things the hard way and then fix them the expensive way.


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## 1project2many (Oct 10, 2011)

I laughed the most at "Fine for assaulting fireman." 

I'm still looking for a copy of a hand written list that an old timer friend had for splitting wood. Something like "Maple: Split green or dry. Oak: Split anytime. Elm: Splits best frozen. Black Locust... Forget it."


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## 23putts (Oct 10, 2011)

$7900 for the OWB, $350 for the Stihl 290...and a lot of back breaking work....But when the kids are fighting like heck and the wife is grumpy, cutting wood is a lot of fun...:smile2:


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## Big_Al (Oct 11, 2011)

I didn't get past the $200 chainsaw and 14 cases of beer and broken toes. Not saying it reminds me of anything....


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## GeeVee (Oct 11, 2011)

Obviously humor, everyone knows you cant go to the ER or the Doctor for that cheap.


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## tomsteve (Oct 11, 2011)

it can be costly for initial set up, and it can get costly when sh*t happens ( i got my fiances jimmy stuck in a pretty nasty mud hole last year, the day i took out my brand new saw that replaced a saw with over 400 cords of wood cut on it. cost me over $1200 to get the push button 4wd fixed, plus many hours cleaning out the mud and muck form it and detailing the interior, which was a lot of work since the truck got a wee bit deep and flooded the cab a wee bit) i could buy the firewood already cut, split, and even have it stacked, but spending time in the woods cutting firewood is priceless.


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## Somesawguy (Oct 11, 2011)

If you figure your time is worth anything, then it's probably cheaper to buy wood. I like running the saws, and being out in the woods. Scrounging wood isn't quite as much fun, but the price is right. Sometimes you get lucky, and it's not so bad. Someone posted on CL with some free wood. Most of it is 5-6ft, and the rest I can just cut and toss in the back. So far, I think I have had about 4 loads in my Toyota. Too bad it doesn't hold that much.


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## Coldfront (Oct 11, 2011)

Now that one was funny, not the condensed version 2 chimney fires and a divorce.


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## lopro (Oct 11, 2011)

23putts said:


> ....But when the kids are fighting like heck and the wife is grumpy, cutting wood is a lot of fun...:smile2:



Amen to that sentiment! My Fiskars and my chainsaw have been great marriage counselors on more than one occasion.


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## importjunk (Oct 12, 2011)

Check the prices listed in this joke. I first read this in the 70's energy crisis firewood boom. 
Still funny because lots of it is true.

Bumper sticker from same era: NUCLEAR POWER AIN'T AS DANGEROUS AS MY CHAINSAW

Best recent bumper sticker: EARTH FIRST-WE'LL LOG THEM OTHER PLANETS LATER


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## tex (Oct 12, 2011)

To the guys that don't see the humor, lighten up.


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## Blazer (Oct 13, 2011)

I remember the original, a buddy of mine had a yellowed copy he kept under the glass top of his desk in his office for many years. I'm sure there was a CB radio listed !!!!! How can you not see the humor in this? Its so true, sometimes the more money you try to save, the more you spend. Lets face it- most of us enjoy cutting wood in the great outdoors or we would just buy the stuff.


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## JeffHK454 (Oct 14, 2011)

I always laugh for a couple minutes at these threads ... then turn the computer off and figure up how much I've got tied up in my "free" heat.

I could pay my NG bill for 10 years if I sold my harvesting equipment..


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## Mike Hawkins (Mar 4, 2019)

A bit late to the conversation, but attached is a scanned copy from the early 1980s.


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## jimdeere (Mar 4, 2019)

All the dollar amounts seem low, to me. Especially the $25,000.


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## Mike Hawkins (Mar 4, 2019)

It may have been around for a few years when I got it (1982), but the prices aren't unrealistic for 35-40 years ago. 

I'm not sure I see the $25k you are talking about?


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## sundance (Mar 4, 2019)

Divorce settlement from the original post.


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## rancher2 (Mar 4, 2019)

I have heated with wood on and off for thirty five years. I have always loved the folks that have thrown out the term free heat. I have always had pastures that needed cleaned up so we always have wood around. Making free firewood isn't cheap.


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## blades (Mar 4, 2019)

Still beats going to the gym and associated fees in my book. And of course the less than happy look from the propane guy.


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## turnkey4099 (Mar 4, 2019)

EXCALIBER said:


> Clearly does not see the humor. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink :hmm3grin2orange: I have never seen it but I do understand where you are comming from. My gf says I spend more time playing with my chainsaw #### then I do with her blah blah blah or something like that. I see it happen no matter what it is, too much time at work, too much time at the bar drinking, too much time spend doing anything will put pressure on a marriage or a relationship



I've seen a couple versions of it, mosst of them include the cost of a truck and replacement of the rear window. Why would it cause a divorce? Spending on that money is why. Good fights over that subject.


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## turnkey4099 (Mar 4, 2019)

Somesawguy said:


> If you figure your time is worth anything, then it's probably cheaper to buy wood. I like running the saws, and being out in the woods. Scrounging wood isn't quite as much fun, but the price is right. Sometimes you get lucky, and it's not so bad. Someone posted on CL with some free wood. Most of it is 5-6ft, and the rest I can just cut and toss in the back. So far, I think I have had about 4 loads in my Toyota. Too bad it doesn't hold that much.




I attribute the sundry costs of firwooding to avoiding a gymn membership to keep in the shape I am in (round is a shape by-the-way)


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## Deleted member 149229 (Mar 4, 2019)

I love when people say to me, “Oh, you get all that free firewood.”


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## bowtechmadman (Mar 5, 2019)

Heck in my house I think cutting wood/burning wood has prevented a divorce. I often hear "why don't you go cut wood or something" from my wife. Seems to help when I come back a few hours later she has calmed down remarkably well.


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## rancher2 (Mar 5, 2019)

bowtechmadman said:


> Heck in my house I think cutting wood/burning wood has prevented a divorce. I often hear "why don't you go cut wood or something" from my wife. Seems to help when I come back a few hours later she has calmed down remarkably well.



For me hiding out at what we call the other place cutting firewood is not a bad thing. I also have a shop I hide out in but it is on the home place farm sometimes too close to the wife. The farm we cut firewood on is in the next county 15 miles away she doesn't come over there to check up on me.


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## merc_man (Mar 5, 2019)

s219 said:


> So when I was a kid and we were heating with wood, I remember my dad had this paper he copied from the bulletin board at work, with a comical list of the true cost of heating with wood. It went something like this (going from memory, so missing a lot):
> 
> 1. Stove $1200
> 2. Chainsaw $200
> ...


Number 17 is cheap. I spent about 1500 one year.
The list is hilarious. Had a good chuckle.

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk


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## pauljoseph (Mar 9, 2019)

If you enjoy cutting and splitting, it’s like a hobby that gives you heat. And it’s not the most expensive one I’ve been into. I love heating with wood. But my vertebrae are getting pissed about it.


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## blades (Mar 9, 2019)

heck there isn't any part of me that doesn't complain about something, well maybe not my ears -no wife.


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## Marley5 (Mar 9, 2019)

I really don't burn to save money.....wood heat is simply superior.

If I lived in the city then maybe not.


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## turnkey4099 (Mar 9, 2019)

Marley5 said:


> I really don't burn to save money.....wood heat is simply superior.
> 
> If I lived in the city then maybe not.



SAme here. I 'wood' as a hobby and as a way to stay active. I retired and decided sitting on my backside was a quick trip to a dirt nap. I have enough wood in the stacks to last longer than I'll be around (84 now) and I'm still adding to it. Cut enough every year to sell 6-8 cord a year plus burn 6 or 7. I'm burning more than that this year somehow - more than I have ever burned before.


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## Marley5 (Mar 9, 2019)

At 84, I certainly admire your ambition.....keep it up.


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## wej52 (Mar 9, 2019)

When speaking of values of wood heat it is the intangibles that cannot be assigned a dollar value. We have been heating with wood for 38+ years. Wood stove was major requirement from wife,"_when the power goes out I want something that will the house warm_!" Added benefit, one cold rainy Christmas eve the mother and father in law came for a Christmas visit from Florida. MIL walks in house, goes over to stove, turns around, lifts up dress and backs up to stove to get warm with out so much as a howdy!. Cost to me - nothing, value priceless! W. Jones


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## NCPT (Mar 10, 2019)

I have $6-7000 in my wood truck, splitter, saws and other wood cutting stuff. I dont really keep up with how much I spend on any of my hobbies and my wife never says a word about it. She pays the power bill, so that may be why lol. Especially when the women she works with are paying hundreds a month and have to be conservative with the thermostat.


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## Mustang71 (Mar 13, 2019)

s219 said:


> So when I was a kid and we were heating with wood, I remember my dad had this paper he copied from the bulletin board at work, with a comical list of the true cost of heating with wood. It went something like this (going from memory, so missing a lot):
> 
> 1. Stove $1200
> 2. Chainsaw $200
> ...




I thought it was funny because it is sort of true.

I'm on my second furnace in 6 years and have 6 chainsaws and all the stuff to go along with it. In the last house all I did was pay a gas bill. The divorce part is funny too. Instead of spending time with the family I'm stuck cutting wood or checking on the furnace. But the wood is free lol.


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## ChoppyChoppy (Mar 14, 2019)

I've bought multiple cord loads out to many people that don't even have a stove or fireplace, just burn wood in a firepit at home or when camping.

Even if having to buy firewood, it's cheaper than many other ways to heat a home.

A cord of wood is equal to around 170 gallons of fuel oil. I got my tank filled a few weeks ago, it was $2.78, and that was with buying 500 gallons and paying cash. 100 gals with a check or card was closer to $3/gal.

Even $2/gallon fuel oil would equal to a cord of wood at $340. $3 gallon fuel is closer to a $500/cord.


Grew up heating with wood, when I bought my own house I decided to put in a wood stove, I wanted a backup heat source in case SHTF. Not even crazy something like a zombie attack (haha), but just a few days of no power and it's -20* outside type stuff.

Now that I do it for a living, I more or less heat the house for free. Dropping off ~3 cords a year at the house is nearly "couch change" when I do several hundred cords a year. Did about 350 cords last year.

.
If I desired to, I could easily heat my place with just scraps, but I'd rather not deal with that much mess at home. We do burn plenty of that in the shop stove though.


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