in a pickle

[tony marks]

chainsaw .. darin please excuse this post but i think a lot of some o these fellas thots.. so i asking for advice.
tommorow i close on selling my place,,
for a considerable amount.
now my wife whom i truely delite in making happy,,want to go out an build an big fine house on an acre o land.
one which will take all the money and still leave us wih an big house payment..
in short livin way above my means.
im lookin at keepin an real good bank account an livin with a sad wife.. its really what we oughta do as our family is pretty much raised.. we dont need a big place... problem is watching that woman be happy has allways been the thing i loved to do more than anything else..
and i havnt been able to give her all i promised. when she agreed to spend her life with me. the one best thing that ever happened to this hayseed.
mabe u guys got some suggestions ,as im at a loss . caught between ,want to s and shoulkd be s.. im just at a loss as to what to do. in a pickle so o speak.id appreciate any suggestions. che in particular ,as she can give a womens view of it.but other
appreciated also.thanks.

 

[NevadaWalrus]

Compromise.
The land is always nice to have, room for a garden and some privacy. Then build a really nice but smaller home, more in keeping with your true needs now that its just the two of you. In the long run she may be happier having less housekeeping to do.

And don't forget to build yourself a nice little workshop to tink on your power toys.

 

[Crofter]

The Poverty of Affluence

Tony:

I read a book with this title and it explains some of what is behind the drive for ouward affluence and how it can never be satisfied because the mind just keeps upping the ante. If a person can dig deep and discover what is the real drive behind the need for the item, you can sometimes address it in less expensive and more sustainable ways.
I feel you place a big value on self reliance and having a good nest egg is important. Putting this at risk would be painfull. Discuss this issue. I think its important for both of you to put all the cards on the table and not hide any of your deep felt needs.

Its easy to be smart,
With someone elses heart!

Frank

 

[Oregon_Rob]

Compromise is indeed the key word. When I find myself in similar situations, it usually helps to put things down on paper and go over it together. Numbers don’t lie, although they are often fudged just a little in order to look a little better or worse, ya know like for better or for worse.
In all seriousness. Lay it out and talk about it with the numbers in front of you both.
:angel:

 

[Marky Mark]

The first thing I would do is write in plain english for next five years on every post you make. Next thing I would do is move on your own, be the man you should be put your foot down. Why go in debt over a house. I could see if it was an investment property but to go for it all late in the game is not smart. Let alone giving into your wife is just plain stupid. Make her happy I doubt it, every corner she'll want something new.

Me I would cut the cash in half an go on your way. But that's me the only family counsler with 2 divorces.

As an added bonus I would be talking with your accountant not rednecks on finacial planning.

 

[geofore]

retirement blues?

If you do the new house thing take into consideration your age and where you'll want to be 10 or 20 years form now. Walking up and down stairs? If not go for the ranch house style. Plan on building a shop to play in. If you don't have a hobby that keeps you active you'll rust up in a hurry. It's just a change in life style but the workshop would be missed if you had one all your life and had to give it up overnight. The May issue of American Woodworker has an article "Tiny Space, Dream Shop" that could be moddified to give you a small shop in the new place. The biggest thing is keeping your stuff out of her way in the new place. So plan on a small shop and keep it clean and out of her space, not as easy as it sounds. The new place is for a slower pace of life with a new life style (semi-retired)?
It's not about the money it'll cost, it's about you and the wife feeling comfortable in the new place in the years to come. The comprmise comes when you both make your wish list and you find you're crossing stuff off your list to afford things on the wifes list. Even if you put in an empty space (den or extra garage space) just for youself now it'll fill up fast enough. Can you stand the change of having new toys and parting with the old toys? You don't have to give up on your wish list, you just fill the wife's list first and your's takes a little more time. Just make sure you put in the basics for your stuff now like run the wires and plumbing now and it's there when you go to put in the lighting, power tools and sink later.
If the kids and grandkids will visit often the ranch is out and the second floor is extra bedrooms and baths. Don't try to save everything and take it to the new place. Take your time to think about where you'll be a few years from now, semi-retired and doing your hobby.

 

[tony marks]

thanks every body good wisdom to be
found in u post.. we ll see.
mark if i read u first sentence rite u telling me to use better choice of wds in my posting. at least thats wht i read in it.
i always appreciate honesty ,even if its criticisum...
but the truth this is part o who i am and the only way i kjnow how to communicate what im trying to say . i aknowledge a certain back woods lean to it. but cant help it . just me.
one thing ill tell u .. if i was selling computers ,,for your buisiness . i think u would find out id be one o the best.. even using the word aint.... trying to sell is something some are born with .. not me i learned this while i was in the dog buisiness.. the fine art of selling ..
its a combination of product knowledge,
and belief in that product. then a real salesman goes to work . any good one knows that part of selling is respectfully taking over the mind of the buyer . almost like hypmotism.
i have that ability . which is why i realized long ago the need,, on my part for complete honesty. . cause sayin just the rite thing at the rite time,,even if its wrong ,is the secrete to closing a sale... its real hard not to say it,, if it means losing a sale..but its a choice i made ,after a few mistakes an trying to rationalize it out ,when i went to bed at nite. thaks for u advice ,and for everybodies tolerance of my sometimes hard to understand post. i cant help that.thanks again
ps i dont think che wants to ouch this one and i can understand why not. im just grasping at sraws here

 

[che]

Hi Tony,

I just opened this, but I can't give you a thoughtful answer yet. I'm out the door after a weekend inside working on taxes....hopefully I'll come back with a cleared head after dumping this on the tax guy's desk.

NO ONE can make someone else happy....it's nice to have help, but everyone has to make their own happiness...hopefully, not at the expense of anyone else. Compromise is a two way deal.

Che

 

[lucky]

Tony, don't worry about the spelling. It's how you use your words that matter's. If this forum required perfect english, we would all pull our hair out trying to edit everything we write. I think this place has a casual enough atmosphere that we can use bad grammar.
Pencil out your entire monthly cash flow then subtract all your living expenses, income tax, utility payments, vehicle payments, kid tuition or expenses etc. Then find out the mortgage payment on your wife's dream home. If you come up short then she'll see it right there on the paper. Then tell her you really don't want to dip into the savings because you'd like to leave it for your golden years or your daughter. The wife will understand.
Maybe you could buy an existing property with a rental on it?
Look around some before you buy. Chances are you can find a home that meets everyone's needs.

Tony, you were in the dog business? What kind of dogs did you sell? Take it easy. John

 

[tony marks]

good advice again.. i sold the old timey
farm bulldog also known as the pit bull..
i was raied by one named jack.
i want get into stories ,but he just plain was themost gritty critter ive ever known .
man or beast. an thats sayin something.
i quit when it became apparent that no matter what the customers promised. some were having them attack trained.
very poor idea. . as having a bulldog on u aint even close to nothin else u could imagine..one o my dogs,that i sold as a pup,, tore a youngun up pretty bad . and i just swore off of them.
owning a dog like that carries a certain responcibility. . i my self today would not own one even tho i love the breed . .just a bit to chancy with my grandkids as around. although i never kept a man biter past sundown.. no place forum around people..
raised rite they not really a good watch dog as they fear nothin but thunder an lightning. and are usually so friendly their value as an watch dog is questionable.
one other danger is they are real protective of the people in their life..
if your kid is play wrestling with a friend. it can be misunderstood by a bulldog,,with terrible consequences.

 

[Kneejerk Bombas]

I don't think you can go wrong buying land and a house. Real estate has been the one area where most people haven't taken a loss lately.
Interest rates are low, property values keep going up. Worst case, you can't keep up the payments and sell the house and make a huge profit.
Be smart when you pick the land. Look for something that will appreciate over the years. I've made more money in property appreciation than working lately.

 

[che]

Hi Tony,

Well...I put some thought into your situation. While I don't think I want some of the same things that most women I meet want...I do long for things other than tillers, chainsaws, and front-end loaders at times. It's pretty simple here. Mike just says, "sure...go ahead....you've got the checkbook." It might be just a lazy cop-out....but it works. It makes me take a look at the situation in a real sense....not just in that 'dreaming phase'.

I've heard you speak fondly of your wife for some time now. I've never gotten the impression that she was unreasonable. Sometimes all we're doing is dreaming outloud. I'm hoping that you've told your wife exactly how you feel about going into debt for what would probably be a long time (I'd have to side with you on this one.) You say you want to see her happy, but I doubt that living with a man who's not would do that. Maybe you can find a place that will suit both your NEEDS....probably not 'new'...and will take a bit of time to find, but should be possible.

I agree with those above who say put it all out in the open...both sides, with the numbers on paper.

Sorry, not much help. Good luck!!

Che

 

[tony marks]

well as expected im gonna cop out an give her ,what makes her happy.
with on exception, im taking 10 grand off the top as make money, money .
i wont have a boat load o bills as about 10 thousand will clear all the little junk out.. then my 10 and she got the rest to use her own judgement with.. so nothin but a 250.bill as my portion of any house payment,, i wont give ground on that... any way i oughta be setting pretty as soon as im back working regular...very little bills and some money to make money. plus a happy wife. now i get to set back and watch her have fun.thanks again everybody.
ps 10 .000 dont sound like much but
without the drag of all the bills and such i can afford to use it to make money..
i think its all i need to get us setting pretty good in 6-8 yrs.. i never had a lotto money cause it wasnt somethin that was important to me. i jus enjoyed livin an workin.. now i get to show my stuff.

 

[lucky]

Tony, you are a true man. You did what any smart husband would do. If momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy.
When the female species is pissed, everybody's miserable. Hope you find your dream place. Oh, Tony if you're going to give her free rein on the property selection, keep in mind you still need to have a shop or garage for your stuff. She owes you that. Chain saw. John

 

[JimL]

I got 1100 acre and live in a barn. I think theres somethin wrong

 

[tony marks]

lol..... believe it or not she told me that an large workshop for me is a prioity for
her. plus she bought me [ us] tickets to a george jones show ,coming up .. life is good.
one problem i go by tommorow to deposit the check. so ive decided to cash it, fill my truck up with high test an head for mexico. or some south sea island,with plenty of them dancing girls with not very much on. ok enuff for the fantasy. thaks for the advice.