new, hello, help

[maveric944]

its all true, just like the ark we are sunk in this ????e hole of a country.:bang:

 

[maveric944]

hi dekandgord, where abouts you based , im in south yorkshire, donny.

mav

 

[dekandgord]

Dorset mate!!!

 

[Sprig]

Dekandgord, great little tale LOLOL! My bud and me are sitting here snorffling away an' wiping the tears from our eyes

 

[belgian]

someone asked about some of our strange regulations:

In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few Good humans." He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."


Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his Yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the Future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many Black and ethnic minority workers I'm supposed to hire for my building team . The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Are you sure that Ark was to be built in the UK ?
The Lord would not have even proposed that idea if he had made it across the Channel.

Welcome in the new world.:monkey:

 

[dekandgord]

ha ha ha

If the lord has made it to belgium then we would all be in trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dekandgord]

well i have finally managed to use the saw wth the new bar and chain. what a revelation. she must have been going through the logs by pure friction before. now she cuts, cutting involves no real effort from me, I get chips and not sawdust. Clean edges and cuts all the way through the wood. great, thoroughly enjoyed using her. Chain is getting a good oil supply and not getting hot. now to sort the engine a little so she runs more sweetly.

 

[dekandgord]

Please ignore the non politically correct bits !

two jokes for today:

SOMEWHERE... IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE...


On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a
shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
'menage-a-trois'.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits
with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and
another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant
and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees
for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the
American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature
of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of
fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees
make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated
her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving
and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.


The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up
a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets
sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But, they're
satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.


Joke 2

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[Sprig]

LOL, good first one, but hey, your not new here anymore and should by now know were to post, get thee to the joke thread! ( :bang: )



Glad saw is doing its job

opcorn:

 

[p38lightning]

 

[buzz sawyer]

Great stories dekangord!

Glad to hear the "beast" has been relieved of it's mechanical maladies and can now effortlessly reek destruction and mayhem throughout the civilized world!:hmm3grin2orange:

 

[Sprig]

Great stories dekangord!

Glad to hear the "beast" has been relieved of it's mechanical maladies and can now effortlessly reek destruction and mayhem throughout the civilized world!:hmm3grin2orange:

Oh come on now! He isn't moving to Canada is he????

opcorn:

 

[buzz sawyer]

Oh come on now! He isn't moving to Canada is he????

opcorn:

After the first story, Canada could be the only safe country in the world for him!

 

[SteveH]

Ok, now you've got a new bar and chain. Cool. Over time, the rails on the bar will probably wear down unevenly. So, on some schedule, such as every so many tanks of gas or ever so many hours or days of cutting or whatever you choose, you'll want to take the bar off and flip in over, so that the former bottom edge is now on top. While you have it off the saw to do this, clean out all the oily sawdust from around the holes, ports, and/or channels which allow bar oil to get on the chain. I use a toothpick, anything small will work [not familiar with your saw]. Also run something like a toothpick or tiny screwdriver or even a piece of metal down the bar groove...sawdust will accumulate there, too, even though the chain is running thru it. Takes about two or three minutes to do all this. If you do this indoors, put a sheet or two of newspaper down to catch the oily junk. If you don't keep those bar rails even, your cuts thru the wood will begin to take a hike to one side or the other instead of going straight thru. Not the end of the world, buy, hey, we got some pride here in our cuts.

I taught twin-engine flying to a fellow from N. Yorkshire, and my two best friends [besides my true love] live in N. Wales. Whenever the Welsh visit here, they are interested [amused] in all my "stuff" to live in this mountain cabin...chainsaw, tractor, so on.

 

[dekandgord]

Are we now to accept that Canada is the civilised world?:biggrinbounce2:

Actually i could move to Canada and continue to do the job I do now. Canada accepts my nursing qualification. trouble is i really dont think i can drink a pint of maple syrup a day and i have head that that is one of the residency qualifications :sword:

by the way where is the "jokes thread" can i have a link please?

 

[dekandgord]

the saw.

Will get some better pics later.

 

[dekandgord]

3 clearer pics

3 clearer pics. The saw is a NAUTAC 232 this is an oleo mac 233 in disguise. the saw itself is made by oleo mac italy and marketed in france as the nautac 232. it takes all the same bars etc as the mac. I will get a pic of the old bar which was knackered. And as far as I can find out it was also completely the wrong bar.

The dog is Burberry that is his name dont ask me how he ended up being called that.

 

[buzz sawyer]

3 clearer pics. The saw is a NAUTAC 232 this is an oleo mac 233 in disguise. the saw itself is made by oleo mac italy and marketed in france as the nautac 232.

You are now skating on thin ice. Luckily, the saw was made in Italy and only marketed in France.

Very interesting looking saw, especially the wide rear handle. Can't say I've see one like that before. Thanks for the pics.

By the way, the maple syrup is not bad when followed by a beer.

 

[dekandgord]

the wide handle is for standing on to start the saw! this is part of a safe way of starting the saw. thin ice why? Is this an anti french thing?

 

[hamradio]

The saw minus the handle looks nearly identical to my Olympyk. My Olympyk is top handle and is red and gray.