Rocks in Trees

[Ryan Willock]

alright, I'll bite and take a chance at getting a stupid smack..... Could the smaller ones 2'x2' (or there abouts) have been placed there by Indians when the tree was smaller as some sort of marker or maybe a flat spot for a perch???? Just a thought

 

[M.D. Vaden]

Back in the 1600s and 1700s, the American Continent Indians used those big rocks for wound dressing when they topped trees.

Large sizes were used so that the rain would be repelled for many years.

 

[TREETX]

Just a tribe that travelled from coast to coast topping trees???

Faskinating?

 

[M.D. Vaden]

Not the "Faskinating" Indians!

It was the "Faulkaurwee" Indians.

Those were the nomad type that wandered from tree to tree and region to region saying:

"Where the Faulk are we?"

 

[Stephen Wiley]

Free Enterprise

Ahhhh........ come on it's FREE ENTERPISE

And I thought you guys were commercial tree outfits, don't you recognize the entrepunarial new standard that someone learning to become an "Arborist" has come up with?

It is called:

"Root Anchorage"

Has a high volume in sales where states are subjected to 'flash floods' or 'tornadoes' or other severe weather conditions.

It further could be stated "As an option to topping your tree ma'am, I'll put a root anchorage boulder in yor tree for $2,000 - guaranteed to hold her steady, won't fail with that rock."

--------------------

Of course in my younger days, I often did things like this just so one day someone would be wondering "How did that Happen?"

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by TREETX
Just a tribe that travelled from coast to coast topping trees???

Faskinating?

Yup, the Cutalotatrees as I remember, somehow travelled from the west coast to the east coast, topping and rocking as they went. They ulitmately met the Spanish explorers, the Espaliers, where they fought the mother of all battles and the Cutalotatrees were almost wiped out.

One band of survivors became euc men and returned out west; another group stayed east and became republicans. After a long separation, the two groups finally met again and agreed to clear cutting every wooden thing possible.

There was considerable collateral damage when an errant group topped 14 big rollar coaster rides, but the mistakes were attributed to a DNA blip in the euc men genes.

The placing of rocks fell out of practice after a few studies came out warning that rocks did not speed up wound closure and may actually introduce pebbles into the wounds.

It is now commonly stated:

<i>Experts hold that rocks should be avoided for tree wounds. A placement on a vertical wound may have some merit, but scholars have found that placing rocks, especially large ones, on horizontal wounds often resulted in the rock falling off and injuring the investigator's foot. </i>

One forest in Virginia was found to contain 8 moaning grad students with foot injuries, all calling for help. The single student with a cell phone delayed calling police until he had finished his own experiment--wanting to publish first. The rock fell, knocking him back, breaking his foot and smashing his cell phone.

Police were finally informed by a woman driver reporting sexual activity and moaning in the forest. The responding officers said they had never seen such a concentrated collection of self-inflicted stupidity, except perhaps at a recent compassionate born-again convention in Dudley, VA where participants had tried to use revolving doors as gerbil wheels.

It is reported that a small band of Cutalotatrees may still exist in Montana, but that conjecture is rejected by many scholars since all the tribe members look like Henry Kissinger and may be an escaped clonig experiment from the Kissinger Institute.

In any case, many suspected tribemen have been gathered, equipped with parkas and bazookas for more efficient felling, and are waiting for shipment to Alaska following the dropping of Cheney's green <i>Start Your Engines</i> flag approved by his Energy Commission.

If Alaska diagrees, Rumsfield says, a returning division of light armor will be redeployed to Anchorage.

White House spokesman, Kevin Twistalot, responding to questions said, "Once again, we don't know what the hell he's talking about, but it's his army."


Bob (No thread left unsullied.) Wulkowicz
<br>

 

[Stephen Wiley]

Identity

Bob,

Be careful, your true identity is beginning to show.

However, you being a descendent of the Cutalotatrees tribe. You must know, that your entitled to all the native treaty benefits.

Such as; free trip to Alaska, warm clothing, lots of food.

Free medical for foot injury resulting in double compensation as you can allow this injured frost bit foot to make you a member also of the black-feet.

Upon arrival you could begin your campaign as head of tribe council "Best Of Boulders" (B.o.b. to which you could administer a new economy by mandating rockalotoftrees program federally funded of course.

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Re: Identity

Originally posted by Stephen Wiley
Bob,

Be careful, your true identity is beginning to show.

However, you being a descendent of the Cutalotatrees tribe. You must know, that your entitled to all the native treaty benefits.

Such as; free trip to Alaska, warm clothing, lots of food.

Free medical for foot injury resulting in double compensation as you can allow this injured frost bit foot to make you a member also of the black-feet.

Upon arrival you could begin your campaign as head of tribe council "Best Of Boulders" (B.o.b. to which you could administer a new economy by mandating rockalotoftrees program federally funded of course.

The first shipment of MRE's arrived at the reservation the other day. When opened, guess what they contained? Rocks.

The communication equipment container held two rocks and a soda straw to point at a satellite.

The socialization box contained three used rubbers and a pamphlet warning against fraternizing with caribou.

A xeroxed letter was included explaining that the Republican Congress had voted to end the tundra entitlement program and devote the resources to additional tax cuts for everyone in the top 1% income bracket whose name contained a vowel.

We tried to call for help, but we bent the straw and the rocks weren't loud enough.

Hopefully, we can survive on the MRE's until rescuers arrive, and we were surprised by how far you can stretch rocks when you need to.

You know, sandstone and a boullion cube we found in a glove compartment tastes a lot like ckicken.

Ain't we the masters of technology...


<br>
Bob Wulkowicz

 

[ORclimber]

What? No all you can eat rock buffet at the casino?

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by ORclimber
What? No all you can eat rock buffet at the casino?

Bob, in suit, tails and wig for a rockhopper buffet.

<IMG SRC="http://www-cad.eecs.berkeley.edu/~gooch/rockhopper.gif">


<BR>

Wulkowicz

 

[Stephen Wiley]

Not to worry........we sent your reinforced supplies, word has come back to deathcom.. that numerous landmines are holding up your chipment.

A specialized canuk team of miners is currently utilizing infrared and thermo excavating devices in removing these landmines so that chipping channels will be open without further delay.

Note, however that these landmines are being extracated and depuwsed with the utmost care by crackhead college students throughout the greater region.

Please also note that box items shipped in can be used to stand upon when hoisting your tribal colors. Falling twig on green leaf.

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by Ryan Willock
alright, I'll bite and take a chance at getting a stupid smack..... Could the smaller ones 2'x2' (or there abouts) have been placed there by Indians when the tree was smaller as some sort of marker or maybe a flat spot for a perch???? Just a thought

Smack, smack!

Smack!



Bob Wulkowicz

 

[monkeypuzzle]

But, if I were to place say, a small 2' x 3' AMERICAN flag in certain trees scattered around town, where the traffic is heavy. Hey look mommy how did that get up there? :alien:

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by Ryan Willock
alright, I'll bite and take a chance at getting a stupid smack..... Could the smaller ones 2'x2' (or there abouts) have been placed there by Indians when the tree was smaller as some sort of marker or maybe a flat spot for a perch???? Just a though
t

<i>...or maybe a flat spot for a perch???? </i>


Yes, well, it might be a great deal easier to get a perch into a tree than a rock. But how did the Florida Indians handle a tarpon?

Confused as well...

Just how many cylinders are you running on?


Bob a lob.

 

[John Paul Sanborn]

I guess when you're young you cannot see irony when it hits you upside the head

Since I'm officaily "gettin on fourty" now I can call other people young.

I did think of the oddball dearhunter putting a sslab of rock in a crotch (oops, that's suposed to be union these days) for a cheap stand.

 

[buckwheat]

The area probably flooded badly and the rocks floated to the surface and, when caught by the current, became lodged in the trees.






(too much time on my hands today)

 

[Bob Wulkowicz]

Originally posted by buckwheat
The area probably flooded badly and the rocks floated to the surface and, when caught by the current, became lodged in the trees.


(too much time on my hands today)

yes, indeed.

and <i>fluded</i> would have been a better choice of spelling, considering your available time to ponder these things.

The rocks may have been manuevered there by tarpon to catch some rays when the fluds retreated.


Bub Wulkocarp

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PS: Finding a mantra ray on a rock up in a tree was viewed as a powerful magical sign by the Cutalotatrees. Generally, those messages from above as it were, persuaded them to vote republican. Sadly, this worked against them when Homeland Security came in a confiscated their childhood periscopes. This led to a general decline in finding rocks in trees and also to a significant reduction in complaints about peeking in second storey bedroom windows.

Because of these emotional losses, many Cutalotatrees have become nomadic again, wandering through forests, hoping for that special moment when being hit by a falling rock from a tree might re-establish their cultural identities.

A particularly desired and welcome encounter includes looking up at the same time a rock is falling--which often leaves a permanent Spiro Agnew effect so very sought after at republican fund-raisers.



"Look," the speaker called from the podium, "it's Spiro Agnew."

The crowd turned back to look at the flatted, extruded face of a Cutalotatree male who had just been mysticly knighted in a forest.

"Wait a minute, Ain't he dead?" a woman shrieked suspiciously.

"Apparently not." said the podium and regathering the attention of the crowd, "Let's give a round of applause for Spiro..."

-----------------

Now that I better understand the evolurion of the republicans, I can be more gentle in my responses. Considering their disabilities and previously tragic lives, I have an obligation to be compassionate.



Speaking of compassionate conservatives, Bush 43 answered a question about the faith-based initatives he was pushing--I mean making the government push--and how important these religious groups were to the fabric of a society.

"Does that mean, Mr. President, that the Iraqi clerics and groups can get involved in the rebuilding of Iraq."

"Hell no, Greg," the President said, wrinkling up his nose, "them's heathens. Not Christians. Ain't you learned the difference yet?"


Luckily, the press conference ended before anyone asked about the new imperialism of the US, or tried comparing America to Rome.

For three days earlier, the staff had tried to explain the possible questions to Bush, but he kept getting confused and complained about what this all had to do with China?

The staff finally figured out that he couldn't keep the two names straight in his mind: SPQR and SARS.


Actually it turned out later, Cheney didn't know the difference either, so Rome, China and a respiratory illness were all added to the list of the axis of evil.


Tony Blair agreed.




Bob Wulkowicz