I have penned your response for you, Brad. Simply cut and paste it for your convenience:
Hello Buyer. I Have Receive The Item As(Stihl 028 Wood Boss Chainsaw Super Nice Clean). You Were Right It Is Many Oily And Gassy. You Must Do The Following For Refund Is Needed. Since I Sold The Saw To You, I Have Become A Nigerian Civil Servant. I Now Have Access To A State Fund Nigerian That Has Escrow Of $6,349,345,766 Nigerian Noodle Duckets - Roughly Worth $40,000 USD, Give Or Take. In Order For Me To Refund You Money I Must Transfer The Entire Amount Into A Account American. Transfer Fee Is A Mere $900. I Can Not Pay Directly As I Am A State Employee With Far Too Many Benefits Including Collective Bargaining Rights And Mediation So Thick You Could Not Fire Me Even If I Shot You In The Back While Robbing You On Camera At Work. Where Was I? Oh Yeah - I Will Provide An Account You Can Transfer The Funds Of $900 To And Then I Will Transfer The $900 Back To You With An Additional $40,000 USD For You Trouble Plus You Original Payment, Which I Must Admit Was Gouging You Some So I Will Understand If You Do Not Return Much Of The Balance. I Trust You Because You Act So Trustingful. It Is The Guilt That Make Me Money You Up, Dawg. Whats Up Dawg? Does This Sounding Good To You? I Thought It Would. Please Act In Most Rapidly.
My Deepest Regardings,
Efco H.L. McHuspoulanistihlechomar
Hello Buyer. I Have Receive The Item As(Stihl 028 Wood Boss Chainsaw Super Nice Clean). You Were Right It Is Many Oily And Gassy. You Must Do The Following For Refund Is Needed. Since I Sold The Saw To You, I Have Become A Nigerian Civil Servant. I Now Have Access To A State Fund Nigerian That Has Escrow Of $6,349,345,766 Nigerian Noodle Duckets - Roughly Worth $40,000 USD, Give Or Take. In Order For Me To Refund You Money I Must Transfer The Entire Amount Into A Account American. Transfer Fee Is A Mere $900. I Can Not Pay Directly As I Am A State Employee With Far Too Many Benefits Including Collective Bargaining Rights And Mediation So Thick You Could Not Fire Me Even If I Shot You In The Back While Robbing You On Camera At Work. Where Was I? Oh Yeah - I Will Provide An Account You Can Transfer The Funds Of $900 To And Then I Will Transfer The $900 Back To You With An Additional $40,000 USD For You Trouble Plus You Original Payment, Which I Must Admit Was Gouging You Some So I Will Understand If You Do Not Return Much Of The Balance. I Trust You Because You Act So Trustingful. It Is The Guilt That Make Me Money You Up, Dawg. Whats Up Dawg? Does This Sounding Good To You? I Thought It Would. Please Act In Most Rapidly.
My Deepest Regardings,
Efco H.L. McHuspoulanistihlechomar