Originally Posted by s37d View Post
Just got off the phone with the director of the board of health, and now three departments think he's a loon. The director sounded like a good guy too, and explained that the request was just a request that he had to send out, as it was his job. He then said he had talked to the fire marshal and already knew all about this guy, and that it was the last letter he'd be sending. He explained it wasn't a demand to cease burning, but was just informational, as in, "I can't stop you from burning".
Excellent - you're now in much better position than if you had done something rash and more immediately gratifying.
And now that you've done the right thing, it's time to get that Killex ice cube plan in order. Make a game out of it. Drop some here and there on the lawn, a few more every couple of weeks. It first it will look like random spots but by the end of the summer it will obviously spell out the message of your choosing!
The magazine thing works. So does signing him up to all sorts of adult products and offers, especially from overseas (once they get his address they'll never stop). Then you've got a case for "dirty old man next door" to mention when town officials are agreeing he's a nutcase. Just something to do in your free moments. Or stop in at garage where guy gets vehicles fixed and mention to mechanics the neighbor said they're incompetent. You won't have to be an active part of what happens after his next visit to the shop. Is there a hangout for the kids nearby? Convince 'em Mr. Neighbor is trying to get them all arrested. Then go to the neighbor and tell 'em you just found out the neighborhood kids are planning to vandalize the house. He's probably paranoid anyway so this will narrow his definition of "them" and give him focus. First time he calls the cops on the kids they'll know you were right. That little war will keep him busy for years. Really, there are plenty of ways to keep the neighbor busy if you truly want to. But watch out for Karma because stuff does seem to come back around from time to time.
Here's a good story from western MA. Friend of mine had a race car. Mean Old Lady across the street decided to make him lose the car, the crew, and who knows what else. She called the cops, town officials, etc to complain all the time. Friend followed most requests not to run car after 9pm, not to run car on Sunday, not to run business out of home, ensure no minors are drinking, ensure no illegal disposal of hazardous waste from vehicles, etc. "We all need to live together." Still plenty of calls to cops. One Saturday we were running the car and cops showed up. Another complaint. We got the impression the officer was having a bad day. We said the car hadn't been making significant noise and Old Lady was crazy and complained when there was no need to. We also said we were done anyway and wouldn't run the car again that day. About an hour (and a couple of beers) after the cop left we called a race buddy who lived down the road, said "Bring up your stock car on the trailer." Backed trailer into driveway out of sight of Old Lady, fired the car up and wound 'er up to 7 grand for about three minutes. Then after a minute or two, buddy drove off with car on trailer. Cop shows up but our car is cold. "See! She's crazy! Been making stuff up for years!" It took two more times that day for the cop to get fed up. Last time he promptly marched across the street, banged on door, and proceeded to shout at Old Lady about wasting his time, filing false reports, costing valuable money, "And I don't give a damn who you know in this town or in this state but if you make one more peep about this I'll make sure you won't get as much as a drop of public water if your house burns down." Wow! I think we all went back into the garage and just sat in silence with our beers for a few minutes to enjoy the cease fire. Never expected that good a response. She never did lob another complaint at us. So yes, miracles can happen.